Word: Telegnosis

telegnosis

[tel-uh-noh-sis, tel-ig-]

noun

1.  supernatural or occult knowledge; clairvoyance.

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              Andy looked at the sheet of paper, and the large red 89 printed on the top.  He was completely satisfied with the high B the number promised.  This had been a hard test, after all.  He glanced around the room, looking at the scores of his fellow classmates.  He couldn’t see all of them, but those he could see were generally lower than his.  And, from the looks on the faces of the others, that seemed to be a fairly steady trend.  The only person he could neither see the score of, nor read the expression of was that of his friend, Lewis.  He would have to wait to find out how Lewis did, though. 

                Fortunately, Andy didn’t have to wait long.  The teacher didn’t seem too intent on teaching.  In fact, it looked like he would be willing to let the class out early if someone bothered to ask.  And there were students there who picked up on this fact just as easily as Andy did.  It wasn’t long before the class was unofficially dismissed.  This just meant they had to stay in the room until the bell rang, but they didn’t actually have to do anything.

                “So, how’d you do?” Andy asked Lewis.

                “I’d rather not say.”  Lewis said.

                “Ouch.  That bad, huh?  Well, don’t feel too bad.  This was a tough one, and I don’t think anyone did too good.”

                “I guess so.” Lewis said.  Lewis was being much more closed off than usual.  Most of the time, he was willing to brag about high scores and complain about low ones.  Andy could immediately tell something was wrong.

                “Yeah, so come on, let’s see it.  I promise I won’t make fun of you too badly this time.”

                “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

                “Why not?”

                “I just don’t.”

                “Oh come on, give it here.”  Andy said. He pushed Lewis aside to get at his folder.  Lewis tried to resist, but Andy was in better shape, and so was able to fend off his friend long enough to find the test and look at it.

                “No way.”  Andy said, as he looked at Lewis’ test.  “How did you get a hundred on this thing?  I don’t think some of this stuff was even covered in class, and I know you didn’t read the book.  So how in the world did you manage this?”

                “I don’t really know.”  Lewis said.

                “Come on, you can tell me.  Did you like, find the answers or something?  Buy them from someone?  Use your phone?”  Andy said, making sure to keep his voice down.

                “No to all of them.  I don’t know what’s going on, man.  Something weird’s been happening to me lately.”

                “How weird?”
                “Really weird.  I just kind of know things.  Things I shouldn’t know.  I have no idea where it comes from, but it just comes to me.”

                “What’re you talking about?”  Andy asked.  Lewis lowered his head closer to the desk.  Andy brought his own closer.

                “Well, like, the test.  I read a question and thought about it for a bit, and then the answer just popped into my head, like it was always there.”

                “Huh?”

                “Yeah, and that’s not all.  If I really want to, I can see things that’re far away, as long as it’s an answer to a question.  This morning, I wanted to know what Jessica Dawson looks like when she wakes up, and I saw her.  In my head.  It wasn’t like looking through a camera, it was like I was seeing her in person.”

                “Whoa.  That’s crazy.”  Andy said, his voice barely above a whisper.  “So, is she hot when she wakes up?”

                “Kinda.  Not as hot as she is now though.”  Lewis said, casting a sidelong glance at the girl in question.  “But that’s not the point.  The point is I have no idea what’s going on, or how I know all this stuff.”

                “So, what, you’re omniscient or something?”

                “I don’t think so.  I don’t know everything, just the answer to a question.  Also, I have to think about it for a few seconds before it comes to me.  Plus, that doesn’t explain how I can see things in other places.”

                “Clairvoyant then?” Andy said.

                “Hm, that may be part of it, but not everything.  I think that’s what lets me see stuff, but not the whole sudden knowledge thing.”  Lewis answered.  Andy opened his mouth to say something, but Lewis interrupted him.  “And I already asked myself how this is possible.  No matter how hard I thought, I don’t get an answer.  It’s the only question I don’t get one for.”

                “Okay, yeah, that is weird.”  Andy said.  “So you know the answer to any question?”

                “Looks like.”

                “Oh man, you can do so much with that power.”

                “Huh?”

                “Think about it.  You can get famous real easy.  Just get a bunch of science people around and have them as you questions about things they don’t know, and you give them an answer.”

                “Huh.  You know, I hadn’t thought of that.”  Lewis said, holding his chin.  “I guess that would be pretty cool to do.”

                “And that’s just the start.”  Andy shifted and draped his arm around Lewis’ shoulders.  “Lu, my friend, this is the start of big things.  You’re going to go far, and I’ll be right there behind you all the way.”

                “Thanks man.”

“Just, you know, make sure to save a few babes for me, yeah?”

“Eh, no promises, but I’ll try.”  Lewis replied with a grin.

Andy was already thinking of things Lewis could do with his new gifts, wherever they came from.  Before he could voice any of those ideas, the bell rang.  Normally, when that happened, it was the sign to move from one form of boredom and/or torment to another.  This time though, Andy regarded it as the end of one life, and the beginning of a newer, greater one. 

******************************************

Seriously, having this power would be great.  Always knowing the answered to any question asked would be really handy to have.  Of course, it might get kind of boring also, since you never have to wonder about anything ever again, and the best way to go about anything is right there for you.  Plus, all those people asking you things would get really annoying really fast.  Still, there are definitely some questions I'd like the answers to. 

Word: whodunit

whodunit

[hoo-duhn-it]

noun, Informal.

1. a narrative dealing with a murder or a series of murders and the detection of the criminal; detective story.

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“You know what?  I should be a detective.”  Kris said as she closed her book.

                “Okay, and what brought this on?”  Jarred said, not looking away from his computer screen.

                “Well, I’m really good at solving crimes and mysteries and stuff, so I’d make a great detective.”

                This time, Jarred did turn to face her.  She had been reading a new crime novel, which she had apparently just finished.

                “What makes you say that?  Have you ever solved a crime?”

                “Oh, sure.  Plenty of times.”  She said proudly.

                “Really?  When?”

                “Well, just now, for one.  I knew who the criminal was, like, halfway through the book.”  She held up the novel for him to see.  He sighed.

                “You know that doesn’t count, right?  I mean, that’s fiction.  I really doubt the cops will look at that as qualifying.”

                “I know it’s not real.  But this isn’t the first time this has happened.  I always know who the criminal is before any of the characters.  My keen deductive mind is able to pinpoint the culprit early.  Sometimes as early as the first time he’s introduced.”

                Jarred just looked at her and blinked slowly.  The sad part was she probably believed what she was saying. 

                “And you really think the fact that you’ve read lots of murder mysteries—“

                “—Solved a lot.”

                “—Okay, solved a lot of those things makes you qualified for a detective?”

                “Yup.”

                “Kris, you know being a detective isn’t all going out and solving crimes, right?  First you’ve got to be a normal cop, which you’d be terrible at, then you have to work your way up the ranks to becoming a detective.  And even then, most of what you’ll be doing is probably not solving murders and such.  Plus, the murders in those books are designed to be solved.  The authors want the reader to solve them ahead of time so they can feel good about themselves when the criminal is actually revealed.  Chances are if I read that book, I’d be able to piece it together pretty quickly too.”

                “Uh huh.  You just keep telling yourself that.”  Kris said. 

                “The thing is, in real life, it’s not like that.  Real life crimes aren’t made to be solved.  Most of the time, they’re made to not be solved, if they’re put together at all.  Trust me, if I were to stage a crime for real, you’d never solve it.”

                “You really think that, huh?” Kris said smugly. 

                “I know so.”

                “Okay, then prove it.  I’ll give you a month.  Set up a fake crime, with witnesses, a location, even a body or missing item or whatever you want it to be.  I guarantee I’ll solve it real fast.”

                Kris folded her arms and taped the corner of her book lightly against her leg.  Jarred could tell she was convinced of her own abilities. 

                “Okay, fine.  But if you can’t solve it within, say, a week, then you give up on this dumb detective idea and aim for something you can actually do.”

                “A week?”  Kris said, mulling the time frame over.

                “Yeah, a week.  Any longer than that, and the “criminal” will escape, never to be seen again.”

                “Hmm.”  She muttered, considering her options.  “Okay, that’s fine.  One month for you to get it ready, one week for me to solve it.  And if I do, I enter the police force.”

                “Right, right.  Don’t worry, I assure you that you’ll never even get close.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some criminal pursuits to plan.”

********************************

If real life was like a crime book, nobody would ever be criminals again.  Think about it.  Every crime is fairly easy to solve, detectives are never killed, and criminals are pretty much guaranteed to be convicted.  It's a criminal's nightmare realm. 

Word: Otiose

otiose

[oh-shee-ohs, oh-tee-]

adjective

1. being at leisure; idle; indolent.

2. ineffective or futile.

3. superfluous or useless.

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The sun was warm and the sky was perfectly clear.  The sound of the ocean waves could be heard clearly, even over the myriad voices coming from the people who occupied the beach.  Each person in the crowd was occupying their time doing something.  Some swam in the water.  Others built sand castles.  Still others played beach sports.  It was a place full of all kinds of activities.  Gary chose to occupy his time watching those people.  More specifically, one particular kind of person.

                “Man, you gotta love the beach.”  He said to his sunbathing companion, Roy.  “There’s just something about it, you know.”

                “Uh huh.”  Roy replied without a hint of his friend’s enthusiasm.  He just wanted to relax on the sand.

                “I mean, really, where else can you find scenery like this?”  Gary asked.  Roy rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses.  He didn’t need to ask what kind of “scenery” Gary was talking about.

                “Just as long as you’re only looking.”  He said.

                “What’s that mean?”

                “Just what it sounds like.  Most of the girls here are probably not here to get hit on, you know.”

                “That’s only because they don’t know I’m here.”  Gary said, puffing out his chest.  He meant it to look impressive, but his almost complete lack of muscle just made the pose look pathetic.  Roy did his best to keep himself from laughing. 

                “Yeah, yeah.  You’re a regular stud, you are.”

                “Damn straight.”

                “Listen, big guy, maybe you could turn your raw masculine aura down a bit.  Just for today, you know?  Maybe give the ladies some space to better appreciate everything that is you.”

                “Okay, see, I know you’re being sarcastic, but I choose to believe you actually mean all that.”  Gary said.

                “You do that.”

                “Maybe I will.”  Gary crossed his arms in front of him in mock defiance.  “Oh wait, if I do that, it’ll be harder to pick up a few of ‘em.”

                Roy was very grateful his glasses were dark enough to hide his eyes.  This was the second time they rolled, and he guessed it wouldn’t be the last.  The fact that Gary had said “a few” instead of “one” was both amusing and cringe worthy.

                “A few?”

                “Well, yeah.  I mean, I’m too much man for just one girl, right?  So I gotta get at least two.”

                “Okay, yeah, that’s where I draw the line.”  Roy sat up on his towel.  “Look, Gary, you really should keep to yourself here.  We’re here on vacation, and I’d rather spend my time relaxing.  I don’t want to deal with you hitting on a girl that happens to have a boyfriend that can bench twice his bodyweight.”  Gary stiffened when he heard that.

                “You, uh, you don’t think there’s any guys like that out here, do you?”

                “I wouldn’t discount to possibility.  There’s an outdoor gym thing like, ten minutes away from here.  I wouldn’t be surprised if a bunch of these girls are here for one of those guys.”

                “Ah, right.”  Gary had clearly not thought of that possibility.  He curled his lip in thought.  His train of thought was promptly derailed when a particularly buxom young lady walked into his line of sight.  “Still, it’d be a shame to deprive these sweet things of all that is me, right?  I just have to watch out for the ones who already have boyfriends, right?”

                “Yeah, sure.  You do that.  Just don’t come crying to me when it all gets screwed up.”

                Gary didn’t respond.  He was too busy chasing down the girl who had caught his attention.  Roy watched with morbid fascination as he did his best.  Roy could tell she was immediately not interested.  And whatever Gary was saying to her was completely useless in changing her mind.  He was probably lucky she just turned her nose up and walked away, instead of slapping him, then doing the exact same thing. 

                Gary’s shoulders slumped as he trudged back over to Roy.  He flopped down on the sand and hugged his knees to his chest.  Neither of them spoke for a moment.

                “So…” Roy began.

                “Don’t say it.”  Gary said.

                “Did you get her number?”

*******************************************************

I'm sure most of us know a guy like this.  You know, the one who thinks he's a real ladies man, but couldn't get a girl to save his life?  Yeah, him.  Don't worry, I'm not that guy.  In fact, I'm probably the exact opposite.  For me, it's more like I wouldn't know if a girl was hitting on me to save my life.  Yeah, I'm that one.