Word: qualm

 

qualm

\ kwahm, kwawm \  , noun;

1. an uneasy feeling or pang of conscience as to conduct; compunction: He has no qualms about lying.

2. a sudden feeling of apprehensive uneasiness; misgiving:  a sudden qualm about the success of the venture.

3. a sudden sensation or onset of faintness or illness, especially of nausea.

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                “I don’t like this Moe.  I mean, what if we get caught?”  Said a tall, lanky man.

                “I’ve told you, we’re not gonna get caught.  I’ve got everything ready.”  Said the stocky man called Moe.

                “B-but…”
                “If you’re really so scared, then go home.  I’ve got it all under control.”  Moe said as he fished a small card from his pocket and slid it through a card reader attached to a door marked “employees only”.

                “I know what you said, but still.  I’ve just got a real bad feeling about this.”

                “Look, Larry, you said you wanted to do this, so you’re doing it.”

                “But stealing something like this?  I mean, we’re not talking a few years in jail here.  We could get twenty plus for this.”  Larry said, casting his eyes around nervously. 

                “Well then, don’t think of it as stealing.  Think of it as payment for years of valuable service.”  Moe said as he slowly and quietly opened the door.

                “I don’t think our bosses will think that way.”  He said as his partner entered the dark corridor.  Despite his misgivings about the planned theft, he still followed. 

                The two were security guards at a museum, and had been for many years.  That is, until the layoffs started.  Since Moe and Larry were the first ones hired, they were the first ones fired, and were currently working under two weeks notice.  Moe had not taken too kindly to that, and had come up with a plan for the two of them to steal a rather valuable artifact.  Even with Moe having no qualms about such a theft, Larry had only agreed out of an odd sense of comradery , and had serious problems with the crime.

                “Yeah well, screw them.  They don’t want us anymore, so who cares what they think, right?” 

                “You know they’ll know it was us, right?  I mean all they have to do is look at the entry records and see your card and password being used.”

                “I’m not using my card.  I’ll be using Tony’s stuff for this one.  All the blame will be on him.”  Moe said with a sneer plastered on his face.  Tony was the newest addition to the security staff, hired just before the layoffs started.  He was, to put it bluntly, a total jerk.  While he was very good at his job, he loved nothing more than to lord that fact over anyone else.  Needless to say, he had made few friends, and nobody would really regret seeing him take the blame for the theft.  Moe had decided to use his ID for this reason.  Plus, he wanted a bit of personal revenge on the new guy as well.  Tony had insisted on comparing Moe and Larry to two other, more famous individuals with the same name, even though that was the only similarity. 

                “But when he tells people that his stuff was stolen…”

                “He won’t notice.  I’m using his backup card, and he had no idea that I know his passwords.  Now come on, here’s the security office.”  Moe said, again sliding the stolen card through the card reader next to the door labeled “security”.

                The door opened silently and the two men entered the small, dark room.  The room was the hub for the security of the museum.  Every camera, every security measure, every detail of the place went through this room at one point, and both the men knew every detail of it. 

                “Ok, you wire the cams, I’ll take care of the other stuff.”  Moe said, pressing a small object into Larry’s hand.  It was a small device that was used to store data, and could be hooked up to other viewing devices for later playback.  This particular model had a recording of the museum’s night time security feed on it. 

                Larry gulped and went over to the computer that stored the recordings from the many, many security cameras scattered around the building.  He plugged the device into the computer and waited, looking nervously at the monitors.  Soon, a small jump in the footage appeared on the screens, and Larry knew that the pre-recorded footage had taken over.  They could move about the place without any fear of being picked up on camera. 

                “O-ok, I’m done.”  Larry said nervously.  Moe was busy typing on another computer.  It was one that controlled a few other security measures.  These were mostly laser detectors, but a few pressure pads, heat sensors, and other assorted devices were scattered around as well.  Moe was in the process of turning them all off.  After a few minutes of messing with the security of the museum, he stood up.

                “Alright, that’s taken care of.  Let’s go.”  He said, confident that the two would be able to pull the heist off, no matter what his partner thought.

                Sure enough, they were able to move around the place without tripping a single one of the hidden security devices.  They walked through the dark hallways, using nothing but flashlights to light their paths.  Moe strode ahead, confident that he had done his job well.  Larry on the other hand, jumped at even the slightest sound that echoed through the empty building, even if those sounds came from their own feet. 

                “Would you stop acting like a little kid?”  Moe said as they approached their goal, “Look, I told you, nothing bad’s gonna happen.  We’ve taken care of everything.  All we gotta do is take the thing, get our stuff, and go.”

                “I know, I know.  But still, I can’t help it.”

                “Yeah, yeah.  Just stop being so…fidgety.  There it is now.”  Moe said, shining his flashlight on the item they had set their sights on.  It was a crown from an old civilization, neither of the men knew nor cared which one.  But the thing was made of gold and had three rather large gemstones set into it.  It was worth more than either had made in all the years working at the museum combined.    

                Moe approached the case it was in slowly as Larry did his best to keep an eye out for any problems.  He carefully opened the latches that held the thick glass case to the stand it was on and lifted it off.  Setting the glass case aside, he retrieved the crown and looked at it with awe, not so much because of how beautiful it was, but more because of what it represented to him. 

                “Hey Moe, let’s get out of here now, ok?”  Larry said, bringing the other man back to his senses.  Moe nodded his agreement, put the crown in a leather bag he was hold, replaced the glass casing, and made his way back to the security office.  Larry followed behind like a dog, more nervous now than ever before.  Had they been caught before taking the crown, they could make up some story about taking one last look around the place before leaving.  But now that they had it in their possession, they had nothing to say that could save them from doing jail time.

                The two men got back to the office without any problems.  Larry unhooked the storage device, allowing the cameras to record what was actually happening in the museum as Larry turned the security devices back on.  The two men made their way out of the building as silently as they could.  Once out, they slinked off the grounds and onto the much better lit city streets.

                “See that, no sweat.”  Moe said, proud of what they had accomplished.  “Now all we gotta do is remember our stories.  We act surprised at the thing going missing, and promise to help out as much as we can, and they won’t suspect a thing.”

                “Y-yeah, sure.  I remember.”  Larry said, still more than a little unsure of himself.  “B-but what do we do now?”

                “Now?  That’s easy.  Now we find out how much this thing is worth, and life the rest of our lives on easy street.”  Moe said, triumphantly walking off into the night, leaving Larry to think about the many ways things could go wrong.

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For greater effect, play the Pink Panther theme song while reading this story.  Or if you don't like that, some other appropriate crime show/movie theme might work too.