Word: somnambulism

somnambulism

\ som-NAM-byuh-liz-uhm, suhm- \  , noun;

1. sleepwalking.

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 A loud thump came from downstairs.  Sam woke with a start when the sound reached him.  He listened for a while, then figured it was probably something hitting the side of the house and was about to go back to sleep.  Then another thump sounded through the room, and then another soon after.  He scrambled out of bed and threw on whatever clothes he could get his hands on before leaving his room. 

               Out in the hallway, he nearly ran into Evan, one of his guests for the night.  He was also dressed haphazardly, and he held a knife shaped letter opener like it would keep him alive. The two of them looked at each other for a moment.  Evan looked like he was about to say something, but Sam held a finger to his lips.  Evan nodded and fell in line behind Sam as he made his way to the stairs. 

               Both of them crept down as quietly as they could as the thumps sounded out at irregular intervals.  As they got closer to the source, Sam was getting more and more worried that there was an uninvited guest in his house that may or may not have hostile intent for him and his stuff. 

               At the bottom of the stairs, he paused to listen.  The thumps were coming from the living room.  He slowly and carefully worked his way there.  He soon found that there were many things out of place.  Not by much, but still.  In fact, it was more like someone repeatedly bumped into things rather than removed anything.  Once he got to the room in question, he peaked inside.  The darkness made it tough to see what was going on, but there was definitely someone there.  He felt around the wall for the light switch, intending to flip it on and surprise the ner-do-well, hoping to gain the advantage that way.  He flipped on the light and started to run into the room.  That is, until he saw who was there.  He stopped and breathed a sigh of relief.

               “Well? What’s going on?”  Evan whispered, taking the sudden silence as a signal that it was alright to talk.

               “It’s ok man, come on and check this out.”  Sam whispered back.  Evan crept into the room.

               “Huh.  Who knew.”  He said.

               Standing in the middle of the room was Leslie, Sam’s other houseguest.  She was dressed in sleep clothes; a pair of sleep pants and a loose teddy bear T-shirt.  Her normally impeccably styled hair was disheveled and wild.  And she was clearly still asleep.  Her eyes were closed and her breathing was slow and deep.  Plus, the fact that she kept bumping into the furniture was a big tip off. 

               “That Leslie’s a sleepwalker?”  Sam asked, more than a little amused. 

               “Yeah.  You’d think she’d have mentioned something like that.”

               “Maybe she doesn’t know?”

               “Nah.  Somebody’d have told her by now.”

               “I guess so.  But what should we do now?  Should we try and wake her or something?”

               “Oh hey, I got an idea.  Go get your phone.  This is gonna be good.”  Evan said with a mischievous grin on his face.  Sam did as his friend asked, and he soon returned with his phone already set for a video.  He might not have known what Evan had in mind, but he could guess why he wanted Sam’s phone in the area.

               “Ok, I’ve got it.  What now.”

               “Just take a vid of this and post it once I’m done.”

               “You sure?  I mean, she might not like that.”

               “Are you kidding me?  She’d be the first to tell you to upload it.”  Evan said.  Sam knew he was right.  Leslie was the type of girl who posted every video she took to YouTube, no matter how inane it was.  Sam nodded and started the video.

               Evan stood by a bit and let Sam record Leslie’s sleepwalking for a few seconds.  Then he motioned for Sam to follow him as he approached her.  He stood behind Leslie and moved in close to her ear.

               “Hey Les.”  He said quietly.

               “’Lo.”  She said dreamily.

               “Where are you Les?”  He asked.  Leslie let out a light laugh.

               “Silly deer, we’re in th’ woods.” She said right before bumping into a wall.  Evan tried to stifle his laughter. 

               “Oh, I see.  Well then, you’d better be careful.  Looks like you’re running into a lot of trees.”  Evan said.

               “Can’t help it.  They move.”  Leslie said. 

               “Oh, well that must be tough then.” 

               “Ye, it is.” 

               “But you know what the worst about moving trees is?”

               “’S that?”

               “You don’t know what might be waiting for you.”

               “Like what?”

               “Well, for example…”  He paused a bit to smile at the camera.  “Oh my god look out there’s a bear!”  He shouted as he grabbed her shoulder and shook her.

               Leslie let out a terrified scream.  Then, suddenly, her arm lashed out behind her and hit Evan square in the jaw.  He stumbled back and clutched his face in pain.  Leslie stood there wide eyed and breathless, looking around quickly.  Sam recorded the whole thing as he burst out laughing.  He held the view on Evan for a few moments as he grumbled in pain, and then quickly moved it up to the still panicked Leslie. 

               “W-what just happened?”  She asked, now fully awake.  Sam cut the video there and started the process of uploading it to the internet. 

               “You were sleepwalking.”  He said once the process was underway.  “Evan just tried to be creative in waking you up.”  She turned quickly to Evan, who was just starting to get back up, and glared at him. 

               “Oh really?  You know you’re not supposed to wake up a sleepwalker, right?”  She said.  It was a thinly veiled threat, but Evan was in no position to understand that.

               “Yeah, yeah.  Whatever.”  He said, still nursing his jaw.  “You didn’t put that up, did you?”  He asked Sam.

               “Of course I did.”  He said proudly.

               “Wait, you recorded that?”  Leslie asked.

               “That a problem?”  Sam said.

               “Just make sure that people know I was asleep, ok?”  She said sternly.  Sam nodded with a big grin plastered on his face.

               “Oh dear god, I can’t believe you did that.”  Evan said.

               “Why not?  It was your idea you know.”  Sam said.

               “Yeah, but that was before I got punched.”

               “It wasn’t a punch.  More like a slap or something.”

               “Whatever.”  Evan said, unable to think of anything else to say.

               “Hey, you should be happy.  You might become the next viral video in a few weeks.”

               “Oh yeah.  Great.” 

               “Um, Sam, can I at least see the video?”  Leslie chimed in.   Sam played the video for her, and she soon started laughing at Evan.  “Oh yeah, this is going viral for sure.  And thanks for getting my good side by the way.”

               “You have a good side?”  Sam asked playfully.  His reward was a playful punch on the arm.

               “Can we just go back to sleep and talk about this in the morning?”  Evan asked, still miserable at the humiliation he would now be sharing with the world.

               “Sound good to me.”  Sam said.  “So should we like, tie you down Les?” 

               “Oh ha ha ha.”  She said.  She paused to think about it for a moment.  “Oh second thought, that might not be such a bad idea.”

               The three talked about the best way to keep Leslie from sleepwalking all the way to the top of the stairs.  Once there though, they each returned to their own rooms, ready to get back to sleep.  Sam, for his part, couldn’t wait to see what would pop up during the night.  

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Ah YouTube, letting people share the humiliation and embarrassment of their friends since 2005.  Where oh where would the modern world be without it?