Word: garboil

 

garboil

\ GAHR-boil \  , noun;

1. Archaic . confusion.

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“Say that again?” Tony said.  The older man sighed.

                “I said I’m you from the future.”  Tony just looked at the man and blinked.  His face contorted in confusion.

                “One more time.”  He said

                “Seriously?  Look, it’s not that hard.  I come from the year 2038, and I traveled through time, and here I am.”

                “Yeah, I still don’t get it.”

                “What’s not to get?  I mean, it doesn’t get much clearer.”

                “I think the whole premise, really.  I mean, do you really expect me to believe that time travel is a reality in only 24 years?  And why the hell would you come here and not to some place interesting?  Like anywhere else.”

                “It doesn’t quite work like that.  Time travel is still a new technology, and it’s far from perfect.  In fact, as far as I know, I’m the first human to travel back in time.”

                Now Tony was not only confused, but skeptical as well.  There was so much wrong with what was going on.  The man who claimed to be his older self did have many similarities to himself, but the man could just be a relative he didn’t know.  And he didn’t exactly look like someone to be the trial run for a potentially dangerous technology.  In fact, the guy was a bit round about the middle. 

                “And how were you picked out for this trip?”

                “Well, let’s just say sweepstakes are just as common in the future as they are now.”  The man said.

                “Wait, you mean you won some kind of ‘win a trip to the past’ contest?”

                “Yup.”

                “Not because you were the last person alive or anything?”

                “Nope.  Humanity is doing pretty well for itself.”

                “So, I don’t have to do anything to save the future then?”  Tony asked.  If this guy wanted to pretend to be himself from the future, he might as well play along.  It could be interesting.

                “Why would you have to do that?”

                “So no world ending robot apocalypse then?”

                “Nope.  I mean, there are robots.  But they’re pretty much ok with things.”

                “Ah.  How about alien invasions?”

                “Hm.  Depends on how you look at it.  There are aliens, but I wouldn’t call their arrival an invasion.”

                “How so?”

                “The first genuine extra-terrestrial life that landed on Earth just wanted a few large pizzas with anchovies and pineapple.  The second group wanted some strawberry-rhubarb pie.  And the third wanted tickets to a major league baseball game.  And pretty much every alien after that is pretty much the same.”

                “Ok, yeah.  That makes no sense at all.”  Tony said.  The more the man spoke, the more confused Tony became.   

                “That’s pretty much what everyone else said also.  But hey, we go with it.”

                “Right.  So I guess there wasn’t any zombies or life ending viruses then?”

                “Zombies don’t exist and any big viral outbreaks like that are cured pretty quickly.”

                “I guess that’s good.  So then, why are you here?”

                “Gum.”

                “Huh?”
                “Chewing gum.  I need some chewing gum.”

                Tony just blinked at his supposedly older self. The more he thought about what was just said, the more confused he became.

                “What, there’s no gum in the future?”

                “There was until about two months ago.  I can’t give you any details, but chewing gum becomes very important in the future.  Well, a few months ago, some idiots with grand ideas went and blew up the factories and deleted all the files with recopies and manufacturing methods.  Don’t ask why, it’s pretty complex.”

                “Uh huh.”

                “So, anyway, after the gum supply dwindled, some big name scientist said he had a solution.  He made the very first time machine, and wanted someone to go back in time and get some gum.  They can use it to relearn how to make more.  Only problem was, nobody in their right mind wanted to take the trip.  And that’s when the sweepstakes was held.  I got lucky, and here I am.”

                “So you were a chump they needed because nobody smart wanted to risk their life for candy?”

                “Yes, but gum is much more than candy in the future.  You’ll have to trust me on that.”

                “Uh huh.  And I guess you want me to get the stuff because you only have future money?”

                “Pretty much.”

                Tony sighed.  He was expecting someone to leap out from behind a bush with a camera at any moment.  He had no such luck though, and was left to think about the man’s ridiculously confusing and nonsensical story.

                “Do I at least get something out of it?”

                “Oh sure, sure.  See, before I left, I got permission to give you this.”  He took a small flash drive out of his pocket and presented it to Tony.

                The thing was a quite ordinary flash drive.  Tony couldn’t see how big it was, because all the words and numbers had been worn off. In fact, the entire thing looked much older than it should.  The plastic was faded and chipped in some places, and the innards looked suspect at best.

                “Careful with that.  It’s an antique.  We pulled it out of retirement just for this.  It should work fine though.”

                “If you say so?”  Tony said with a quizzical look.

                “After we get the gum, you can look at the contents.  I have no idea what’s on there, but the people who sent me here tell me it’ll make you, and therefore me, very rich n a few years.”

                “How…nice of them.”

                “I know, right?  I mean, they told me I can’t say anything important about the future for various reasons, and they still give me this to give to you.  It’s great, huh?”

                “Uh huh.  Look, let’s just get you your gum and then you can go back to…wherever it is you come from.  Sound good?”

                “Sounds perfect.  Oh, but I need more than one pack.  They said to bring back at least twenty, but more would be better.”

                “Yeah, sure.  Whatever.”  Tony said.  He didn’t know why he was going along with this.  But, he was glad the guy wanted something cheap.  He just hoped the flash drive wouldn’t load his computer with viruses. 

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Nothing more confusing than a visit by your future self, am I right?  Also, this word is fun, just for how it sounds.  I mean, just listen to it.  Isn't that just a sweet sounding word?