humbuggery
[huhm-buhg-uh-ree]
1. pretense; sham.
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Joe was feeling pretty good about himself. And why shouldn’t he? He was walking arm in arm with a very pretty
young woman. One who was, for the most
part, way out of his league. And he had
done it a few tasteful lies. Not even
lies, really. A few pretenses and a few
half truths had done the job nicely.
Everything
was because of his online dating profile.
He had told the internet that he had a well paying computer job, owned
his own home, and had a pet. None of it
was really a lie. He just did not tell
the full truth. For instance, he simply
left out the fact that his computer job was repairing them, that his home was a
one room apartment, and that his pet was a goldfish. The only thing he was completely honest with
was his picture. If he lied about that,
things would get awkward really quickly.
And
when he finally got a date, he played up the pretense of success well. He dressed nicely, talked about high class
things, and was all around charming. She
did not need to know the truth. Not
really. She was fine knowing the Joe
from his profile, not the real one.
As it
was, she was all smiles and laughter. It
suited her well, and he almost feared what expression she would wear when she
found out what he was really like.
Almost. Certainly not enough to
make him call it off with her, or stop playing the part.
The
woman stopped walking. Joe stopped a
second later. A large man stood in front
of them, and clearly intended to impede their progress. There would probably be threats made, and
money demanded.
Sure
enough, the large man drew a knife and threatened the two of them. Why such a large man needed a knife of all
things was beyond Joe’s understanding.
The big man made some very lewd comments about the woman. Joe could understand that. She was certainly the type who got them on a
regular basis.
Joe had
two options. One was to give in and give
the mugger all the money he had. But
that could be seen as an act of cowardice by the woman. On the other hand, the mugger was very large
and was holding a sharp object. She
might let it slide. But Joe had hyped
himself up on his profile enough that the woman may have thought he could
handle such attacks, even though Joe had made no mention of martial skill. Besides, it never hurt to act brave in front
of the pretty woman.
Joe
puffed out his chest and approached the man, acting larger and more dangerous
than he was. It was a sham, of
course. Joe had never fought a day in
his life, and did not even know how to throw a punch. But he counter threatened the large man all
the same. Joe could only assume that a
man like that was not used to people acting so fearless in front of him. He might assume Joe was as dangerous as he
acted.
There
was a stare down. The mugger was several
inches taller than Joe was, but he refused to yield. If this ploy worked, than he would be a hero
and walk away with more than just the money in his wallet. If it failed, he would end up with several
new, and very painful holes in his body.
Joe
squinted and made a big show of cracking his knuckles. It was the one skill he had that came even
remotely close to intimidation. Somehow,
it worked. The mugger claimed that Joe
and his woman were no worth the time, and walked away. Joe breathed a sigh of relief.
The
woman squealed with joy and hugged him tightly.
She pulled him along the road with renewed energy. She leaned in close and promised him a
suitable reward for his bravery. Joe now
had one less reason to end his act.
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So, I guess honesty is not always the best policy? Man, that seems like a really bad lesson to take away from this one. But, honestly (heh), it's probably more accurate. Kinda sad, isn't it?
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