turophile
[too r-uh-fahyl, tyoo r-, tur-]
- a connoisseur or lover of cheese.
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“What is that?” Victoria asked.
One hand
was pointed at the pan filled with pasta and bright yellow sauce. She pointed at the wrist, while keeping the
rest of the arm close to her body, supported by her other arm, which was
wrapped around her body. Her look spoke
of scorn at everything the dish was.
“Mac and
cheese.” Tony answered. He chose not to respond
to the manner in which the question was asked.
“Mac and
cheese, you say? As in that…base dish macaroni
and cheese, am I correct?” Tony nodded. “And where, pray tell, is the cheese,
exactly?”
“It’s in
the sauce on the pasta.” Tony was more curious why his house guest would ask
such an obvious question.
“You
mean to tell me that that yellow…sludge is cheese?” Victoria asked, moving her
pointing finger in small circles in the general direction of the still steaming
pan.
“Yup.”
Victoria
scoffed. “That is not cheese.” She said
simply.
“Yes it
is. Let’s see, sharp cheddar—”
“Cheddar!”
The lanky woman looked like she was about to faint at the very mention of the
word. “Do you mean to poison my child
and I?”
“What?”
“My
apparently not-so-good man, cheddar can hardly be called cheese. Why, it is as much cheese as a hot dog is a
steak. Oh yes, they contain the same
rough base ingredients, and perhaps even some production methods, but one can
hardly call a hot dog a steak, now can one?”
“Uh, no?”
“Precisely. And yet you mean to tell me that cheddar is a
real cheese?”
“Well,
yeah.”
“Oh, you
poor, misguided soul.” She said, clasping her hand to her heart. “You have no idea. The world has claimed another innocent
victim. Next you’ll tell me that you
consider, ugh, Velveeta to be cheese.”
“Eh,
more like cheese adjacent, really. If it
helps, there’s none of that stuff in here.”
“Oh? Well, I suppose that’s…something then. Is there any real cheese in that…monstrosity?”
“Uh,
well, there’s cheddar—”
“I don’t
count…that.”
“Okay. Well, I’ve also got Monetary and Coby Jack in
there.”
“Ugh,
American made cheeses. It makes me weep
that such things are even allowed for public consumption.”
“Hey
now! You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Victoria
let out a long, exaggerated sigh as she looked as Tony with a mixture of scorn
and pity. Tony had not been aware that
those two could be mixed at all. And
yet, there it was.
“Oh, you
poor, deluded man, you. You have no idea
what real cheese even is, do you? Let me
educate you. Nothing made in the US can
be considered a real cheese—”
“Cheddar
comes from England.” Tony said with a
slight curl of his lips. Victoria froze
with her mouth hanging open.
“What?”
“Yeah. Cheddar originated in England. Sure, a lot of what we get here comes from
Vermont and Wisconsin and stuff, but it definitely started in England.”
Victoria
looked unsure of herself. “Well now,
that just cannot be correct.”
Tony was
already pulling out his phone to show her.
Her eyes scanned the information and widened the more she read.
“But…but
cheddar is a base cheese. Hardly worth
being called cheese at all.” She said, much less certain.
“Really? Because there’ve been cheddar cheeses that
win all kinds of awards for fine cheese.
Here, look.”
Once
again, Victoria read with defeat in her eyes.
“No,
no. This…this can’t be true. It just…it just can’t.” She said. It looked like a core part of her being had been
forcibly removed. “I mean, the US made
American cheese. How could they do
anything right?”
“American
cheese isn’t the end all be all of what our fine nation produces.”
Tony
collected a plate, a fork, and a large serving spoon. He plated a fairly small portion of his mac
and cheese and placed it at the nearby table.
She stared at the pile of yellow pasta with a mixture of emotions
coloring her face.
“Now,
why don’t you have a seat and try some.
If you honestly hate it, then we’ll talk more. If you like it though, well, maybe the world
of cheese is a bit bigger than you think it is.”
***********************
Who doesn't love a good mac and cheese? I know I do.
Who doesn't love a good mac and cheese? I know I do.
Also, this. Enjoy!
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