lugubrious

[ loo-goo-bree-uhs, -gyoo- ]

adjective

mournful, dismal, or gloomy, especially in an affected, exaggerated, or unrelieved manner: lugubrious songs of lost love.

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               “Life sucks.” Jack said. His head was resting on the table and his eyes held a vacant look that seemed like it had been practiced.

               His roommate, Kevin groaned. Kevin’s girlfriend, Sally huffed and rolled he eyes. Both of them had heard this before.

               “Oh, what is it this time?” Kevin asked. “Did you forget to wash your clothes and now you don’t have anything clean?”

               “Maybe he slightly overcooked his lunch, and that just made everything worse.” Sally chimed in.

               “Oh, laugh it up. You two don’t understand my suffering.”

               “Oh please, when have ever suffered in your life?” Kevin said. “The worst thing that’s ever happened to you is having to wait a while to be seated at a busy restaurant.”

               “Yeah, really. You’ve got it pretty sweet.” Sally agreed. “You’ve got a nice place to live, a good job, plenty of food. Really, if you weren’t single, I’d say you were living the dream.”

               “Shows how much you know. My life is utterly miserable.”

               “How so?”

               “Oh, you two wouldn’t understand. You two are just so happy with each other. Frankly, it’s disgusting.”

               The couple looked at each other with sudden understanding. Jack had gone on a blind date last night. Apparently, it had not gone well.

               “Okay, what happened?” Kevin asked.

               “Nothing.” Jack said heavily.

               “Come on, you can tell us. How bad was it?”

               “Terrible. Awful. The worst date I’ve ever been on.”

               “It can’t be that bad.” Sally said.

               Jack slowly turned to look at the other two. He blinked with controlled, almost agonizing slowness.

               “She was the worst person I’ve ever met. She kept talking about…things.”

               “Well, what was she supposed to do?” Kevin asked. “I mean, isn’t talking what you’re supposed to do on a date? That’s pretty much what we did on our first date. And just about every date after that.”

               Sally nodded her agreement.

               “Not like this. I could barely get a word in. Even when she asked me something, she didn’t give me the chance to answer. She just kept going on and on.”

               Sally hummed and held her chin. “Seems like she’s either way too talkative or just a case of bad nerves. I’ve seen some women do that when they’re nervous. Others do just like the sound of their own voice. If it was the former, then just keep at it and she’ll calm down. If the latter, well, yeah, that’s pretty bad.”

               “Even so, it could’ve been way worse.” Kevin said. “If the worst thing she did was talk, then I’d consider that a mild irritation and move on. Not a reason to be so gloomy.”

               Jack muttered under his breath.

               “Wait, is this because you came home alone? I bet it is.” Kevin said with a smirk.

               “Oh, that can’t be it.” Sally insisted.

               Jack turned away from them.

               “See? It totally is. He was expecting to get some action, and now he’s all gloomy and bummed that he didn’t get any.”

               Sally rolled her eyes. “I doubt that it’s like that. I mean, you didn’t care much when our first date ended like that.”

               “Yeah, but I wasn’t expecting it to. Jack was.”

               “So what?” Jack said. “Isn’t that normal?”

               Sally stared daggers at Jack. “You’re disgusting.” She then stood up and marched to Kevin’s room.

               “What? What’d I do?”

               Kevin went up to his roommate and clapped him on the back. “Buddy, take it from me. If that’s what made the date bad, maybe you’re the problem, and not the woman.”

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Yeah, I don't have much to say right now. Maybe next time.