finagle
verb (used with object), fi·na·gled, fi·na·gling.
verb (used without object), fi·na·gled, fi·na·gling.
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Josh watched his roommate’s door open and a young woman with frazzled hair walk out. She paused when she saw him. Her cheeks started to turn red as their eyes met. It only lasted for a moment before she headed for the door. Josh’s roommate, Ed, followed a few seconds later, whistling as he did.
“You are a horrible human being, you know that?” Josh said.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Ed replied as he made his way into the kitchen.
“That woman. What’d you tell her? Were you a doctor today? Or maybe you work in a recording booth and can jump start her career.”
“Nah. Those are way too played out. I told her I’m an aspiring artist and will use her visage to create my first real masterpiece. She ate it up.”
“And you don’t feel at all bad for tricking women like that, do you?”
“Why should I?” Ed replied while peeking over the top of the fridge as he rummaged through for some breakfast.
“You know, this is why you don’t have a girlfriend. If you stopped lying, stopped trying to trick and steal and forge your way through life, you might be able to find someone you actually like and not have to rely on one night stands for companionship.”
“Eh. Girlfriends are a pain. Always nagging and making choices for you. Hassel all around. Besides, everyone knows women are only good for a very small number of things. Being in a relationship means they feel enabled to try to do things outside that very limited skillset.”
“Don’t let Emily hear you say that. She will kick your ass.”
Josh would not actually mind seeing his kickboxer girlfriend doing just that. Ed was definitely one of the more deserving individuals Josh knew.
“Pf, she can try. Trained or not, she’s still a woman, and I’m still a man. Anyway, we’re out of milk.”
Josh knew they were not out of milk. Or at least, they were not when he had gone into the fridge. Sure enough, Ed was there with the carton in his hand, taking regular swigs of it. Why he did that, Josh had no idea.
“Uh huh. You’re getting more you know.”
“That’s fine. I just came into quite the sum.”
“You stole it from that woman, didn’t you?”
“I didn’t steal it. I borrowed it. She was fully aware that I took some cash out of her wallet. Said I would use it to buy supplies for my grand work.”
“Borrow, huh? And will you ever pay her back?”
“Sure, sure. Once I hit it big in the art world, I’ll call her up and pay her back with interest.”
“Let me guess, you conveniently forgot to get her number. Or her name.”
“It might have slipped my mind.”
Josh sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He really needed to get a new roommate. One that was not an unrepentant scam artist.
“You really are the worst.”
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Ladies, should you find yourself going home with a guy from a bar, keep an eye out, okay? Stay safe, stay alert, and make sure your phone is in easy reach. Guys can say a lot of things to get some action, and they don't always have honorable intents towards the lady they accompany.
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