inveterate
[ in-vet-er-it ]
adjective
- settled or confirmed in a habit, practice, feeling, or the like:
an inveterate gambler.
- firmly established by long continuance, as a disease, habit, practice, feeling, etc.; chronic.
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Henry got up. He got out of bed and went to the bathroom. He went through all his normal morning habits, all while trying not to look at the second toothbrush. Doing so would cause unnecessary problems. Once he was done in the bathroom, he went to make himself some breakfast.
It was the same every morning. A bowl of cereal and some fruit. He supposed he could make himself something hot every now and then. But the very idea of doing so made him feel wrong, somehow. No, cereal and fruit. It had served him well for years and he had no reason to change that. Besides, cooking hot breakfast had always been…Henry shook his head, banishing the unwanted thoughts. They would only get in the way.
Now that he was fed, he needed to figure out what to do with the rest of his day. Once upon a time, he would get dressed and go to work. But he was retired now, so there was no need for that. He had his habits and traditions he could fall back on, of course. In all likelihood, he probably would. He would sit in front of the TV and browse for a while before settling on something. He never had these problems before. He rubbed his forehead. No, no he would not go down that path. Not again.
He took a deep breath to calm himself. He glanced out the window. The view was not great, but it was outside. He had not been outside in quite some time. He had enough food to last awhile, so he had no reason to. He used to go out and tend to the lawn and driveway, more out of habit than pride. He supposed he could get back into it. It would kill a few hours, at the very least. But the more he thought about it, the more his stomach twisted. The outside. The garden, the lawn. All of it had been her…He stopped his thoughts quickly and took a series of deep breaths.
No, it was best to stick to his current routine. It was safe. It was easy. His current habits and practices would keep the memories from bubbling up. Stay inside. Watch TV. Eat simple, easy meals. That was the best way to get through the day. He set his gaze away from the window. Maybe he would paint it over, just to avoid the temptation. He stood and headed to the couch, and sat down in his spot. He knew it was his spot because he had sat there for years. Decades, even. It embraced him like an old friend. He just had to avoid looking at the rest of the couch. Doing so would remind him of how she would…No! He shut his eyes as hard as he could. Even the good parts would lead to a poor end.
Henry’s hand shook slightly as it grasped the remote, resting on the same spot it always had. He was shaking so much it took a few tries to hit the power button. The soft lights and sounds of the TV muted all other thoughts. And for now, Henry was able to just be. To not think the dark thoughts. To let himself wallow in dull, boring habit and mindless routine. It was how he was going to get through his days. How he was going to make it through the rest of his life.
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Oh. Now I made myself sad. Damn it.
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