Word: Finagle

 

finagle

[ fi-ney-guhl ]

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verb (used with object), fi·na·gled, fi·na·gling.

1. to trick, swindle, or cheat (a person) (often followed by out of): He finagled the backers out of a fortune.

2. to get or achieve (something) by guile, trickery, or manipulation: to finagle an assignment to the Membership Committee.

verb (used without object), fi·na·gled, fi·na·gling.

3. to practice deception or fraud; scheme.

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               Josh watched his roommate’s door open and a young woman with frazzled hair walk out. She paused when she saw him. Her cheeks started to turn red as their eyes met. It only lasted for a moment before she headed for the door. Josh’s roommate, Ed, followed a few seconds later, whistling as he did.

               “You are a horrible human being, you know that?” Josh said.

               “I don’t know what you mean.” Ed replied as he made his way into the kitchen.

               “That woman. What’d you tell her? Were you a doctor today? Or maybe you work in a recording booth and can jump start her career.”

               “Nah. Those are way too played out. I told her I’m an aspiring artist and will use her visage to create my first real masterpiece. She ate it up.”

               “And you don’t feel at all bad for tricking women like that, do you?”

               “Why should I?” Ed replied while peeking over the top of the fridge as he rummaged through for some breakfast.

               “You know, this is why you don’t have a girlfriend. If you stopped lying, stopped trying to trick and steal and forge your way through life, you might be able to find someone you actually like and not have to rely on one night stands for companionship.”

               “Eh. Girlfriends are a pain. Always nagging and making choices for you. Hassel all around. Besides, everyone knows women are only good for a very small number of things. Being in a relationship means they feel enabled to try to do things outside that very limited skillset.”

               “Don’t let Emily hear you say that. She will kick your ass.”

               Josh would not actually mind seeing his kickboxer girlfriend doing just that. Ed was definitely one of the more deserving individuals Josh knew.

               “Pf, she can try. Trained or not, she’s still a woman, and I’m still a man. Anyway, we’re out of milk.”

               Josh knew they were not out of milk. Or at least, they were not when he had gone into the fridge. Sure enough, Ed was there with the carton in his hand, taking regular swigs of it. Why he did that, Josh had no idea.

               “Uh huh. You’re getting more you know.”

               “That’s fine. I just came into quite the sum.”

               “You stole it from that woman, didn’t you?”

               “I didn’t steal it. I borrowed it. She was fully aware that I took some cash out of her wallet. Said I would use it to buy supplies for my grand work.”

               “Borrow, huh? And will you ever pay her back?”

               “Sure, sure. Once I hit it big in the art world, I’ll call her up and pay her back with interest.”

               “Let me guess, you conveniently forgot to get her number. Or her name.”

               “It might have slipped my mind.”

               Josh sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He really needed to get a new roommate. One that was not an unrepentant scam artist.

               “You really are the worst.”

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 Ladies, should you find yourself going home with a guy from a bar, keep an eye out, okay? Stay safe, stay alert, and make sure your phone is in easy reach. Guys can say a lot of things to get some action, and they don't always have honorable intents towards the lady they accompany.

Word: Yare

 

yare

[ yair or, especially for 1, 2, yahr}

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adjective, yar·er, yar·est.

quick; agile; lively.

(of a ship) quick to the helm; easily handled or maneuvered.

Archaic.

1. ready; prepared.
2. nimble; quick.

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               Paul had no idea what was going on. It should have been so easy. See a scrawny guy with a woman who was way out of his league, get the girl, go home and have some fun with her. He had not expected the guy to have a backbone. Paul was easily twice the guy’s size, and had arms bigger than the little man’s legs. The guy should have turned tail and ran immediately.

               But the guy had chosen to fight for some reason. Paul had thought it would be an easy win. He could lay out guys just as big as he was. But that was not what happened. The guy was, well, not winning exactly, but not losing either.

               Paul was swinging with everything he had. The smaller guy was dancing around his punches like some kind of ballet dancer. He was actually laughing at Paul the entire time. Laughing! Who did that in a fight? He had been in a lot of fights, and he’d never seen anyone laughing. Why was he laughing? His punches were like butterfly farts. The little guy wasn’t even attacking a lot. He spent all his time dodging.

               Was that his plan? Dodge until Paul just got too tired to do anything? That could be it. But Paul had a lot of stamina. He could keep punching for almost an hour before he would really need a break.  The little guy was moving pretty damned quick too, so he would also get tired eventually.

               Paul glanced at the reason for the fight. The woman was clearly enjoying herself. Her eyes were glued to her date, and she was biting her lower lip. God damn, what did this scrawny guy do to get a babe like her? Well, he could ask her once he finally landed a hit on the guy. If he landed a hit.

               Suddenly, the woman spoke up. “Kyle, baby, stop playing with him. I want to go to bed already.”

               The man, Kyle, apparently, answered her like they were strolling in the park. “Well, if you say so. Too bad, this was just starting the get fun.”

               Kyle began moving differently. He stopped dancing around and moved much more directly. He sped in close to Paul and began delivering a series of strikes that Paul could not defend against. Not that he needed to. The guy still hit like a five year old. And Kyle was now in striking range, too close to dodge properly.

               Paul raised his hands to deliver a crushing hammer blow. Kyle’s fist lashed out. Paul began gasping for air as the small fist left his throat. Another quick throat strike followed, which was followed by several more. Paul went down hard.

               He gasped for air, never quite getting enough to keep him awake. As his vision began to darken, he saw Kyle  hook his arm around the woman’s. Paul heard muffled words, then saw the two of them laughing as they walked away. Then the world went dark.

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Not much to say about this right now, so yeah. Uh, have a wonderful [insert time of day] everyone!

Word: Quondam

 

quondam

[ kwon-duhm, -dam ]

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adjective

former; onetime: his quondam partner.

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               Mike nearly threw his phone against the wall. He was able to restrain himself though. He still needed it and could not afford another. And it looked like he would not for quite some time. Another rejection. Another failure in a long line of them.

               He went through everything that had led up to this. His resume was well made, and his cover letter was damn near flawless. He had gone to the interview impeccably dressed and had done his best to charm the pants of the interviewers. And yet, every single time he had been turned down. What was going on?

               Was it his experience? He had only had two jobs now, so maybe he was just not experienced enough. But it was not like he was going for high level positions. All his interviews were for entry level jobs, things that would get him in the door and not much else. Trained monkeys could do most of what he had applied for.

               Maybe it was his references? His college professors would have nothing but good things to say about him. And his boss from his first job had almost begged him to stay. That left his previous job. While his boss there had not been the best of people, they had at least parted on good terms, so he could at least expect a neutral reference from him. But then again, that was only if the call got to his boss.

               A cold pit formed in his stomach. Could it be? Would she really be that vindictive? What was he saying, of course she would. He immediately dialed her number.

               “Hello?” Came the voice of Sally, his ex-girlfriend. And the secretary at his former job.

               “What did you do?” He asked.

               “Why, whatever do you mean, Mikey?” She asked in the sickly-sweet innocent voice she used when she was reveling in a kept secret.

               “Don’t give me that. You know damn well what I’m talking about. Now what have you done?”

               “Aw, is poor little Mikey having trouble finding a new job? I wonder why that is? Could it have something to do with how I told all of them you like to come in late everyday? Or maybe that you have sticky fingers? Oh, how about that sexual assault charge I told them about.”

               “You bitch!” Mike roared.

Of course she would sabotage him. Why he had ever dated her was a mystery to him. No, that was not true. It was because she looked amazing in a bathing suit. He cursed his overly hormonal younger self for falling for the succubus.

Sally was just laughing her evil little head off. “Sorry, Mike, but you know how it is. You do me wrong, I do you worse.”

“You would ruin my life because I broke up with you?”

“Yup. You broke my tender little heart. It’s only fair that I break everything about you.”

“Really? After all that you put me through? You were a horrible girlfriend. You were selfish, manipulative, spiteful, controlling, petty, and just an all around horrible person. I was completely justified in breaking up with you.”

“Not how I see it. The way I see it, I was the perfect angelic girlfriend, doting on my big, clumsy boyfriend. And he broke my little heart when he broke up with me, completely out of the blue. It’s well within my rights to get a little revenge, wouldn’t you agree?”

Mike needed to new tactic. She would never change. Nor would she relent. That is, unless he gave her a reason to. But he could not do anything to her face. She was horrible, but she was also smart. She would be able to form a counter if she knew he had something in the works. Did he had something in the works? A slow smile crossed his face. Yes. Yes he did.

“You know Sally, if I were, you, I’d start either handing my reference calls to someone else, or start being honest.”

She gave a self-satisfied chuckle. “And why should I do that? I’ve got you on the ropes. You’re helpless, powerless. You live or die on my whim. And I say you go to the poor house.”

“I see. In that case, just remember, what goes around comes around. Good bye, Sally. I hope we never see each other again.”

With that he hung up and got to work. Sally was a clever little bitch, but she could also have tunnel vision. She rarely paid attention to anything other than herself. So she never noticed when he had recorded a few videos of her at parties. Parties that featured events that could really damage a person’s career.

If Sally wanted to play by ruining his reputation, he could do the same. And he would not pull his punches, just because of a past relationship. He was not going down without a fight.

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And so the war begins.