Word: Caustic

Definitions for caustic

1. severely critical or sarcastic: a caustic remark.
2. capable of burning, corroding, or destroying living tissue.
3. a caustic substance.

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“So, what?  You just woke up today with super powers?”  Dale asked.  Even he didn’t believe the words he had just said.

                “Pretty much, yeah.”  Linus replied.

                “And, uh, where exactly did they come from?”

                Linus shrugged and made an “I don’t know” sound.  Dale wasn’t sure what to make of the situation.

                “They were just kind of, you know, there.”  He said.

                “Right.  Sure.  So, what powers do you have now?”

                “I can make liquids.”  Linus said.  Dale thought about that for awhile.  There were so many things that could mean, and not all of them were things he wanted to think about.

                “So, what, like you can shoot water or something?”

                “Mm hm.  Here, watch.”

                Linus held up his hands and made a finger gun, pointing at the nearby table.  A small stream of water left his finger.

                “That’s…that’s…”  Dale said, now that he actually saw what his friend could do, there was only one thing he could think about it.  “That’s kind of lame, really.  I mean, as far as super powers go, being a human drinking fountain is kinda…”

                “Yeah, well, I just got it today.  It’s not like I know much about how to use it.  Plus, it’s not like water is all I can make.  I said liquids, remember?”

                “So you can make other stuff?  Like what?”

                “Well, right now, I’m kind of limited.  I can make water and acids of various strengths.”

                That was somewhat more worrisome.  Knowing someone who could shoot acid from his fingers could be trouble.

                “Uh, I, uh, I see.  So, can you, like, control the stuff you shoot?”

                “Kind of.”

                “Kind of?”

                “Yup.  Kind of.  I mean, right now, I can’t do much, but I can tell that I should be able to control it.  I don’t think I’ll be able to control liquids that I don’t make, but oh well.”

                “So, what can you do so far?”

                “Just this.” 

                Linus shot out another thin stream of water.  A look of concentration crossed his face and the stream bent upwards slightly.  When Linus stopped, it looked like that small alteration had taken quite a bit out of him.

                “Huh.”

                “Yeah, I know.  It’s not much, but I’ll get better.”

                “Of course you will.  So, when you do finally figure out how to other stuff, what’ll you do with it?”

                “I don’t really know yet.”

                “Don’t lie to me.  You probably had a plan all set ten minutes after you found out you had powers.”  Dale crossed his arms as he spoke.  Linus looked like he was wrestling with himself on whether to divulge his plans or not.

                “Ok, yeah, I’ve got something in store.  I even have a super name all set up.”

                “Ok, what is it?”  Dale found the fact that Linus hadn’t immediately divulged his plans to be more than a little worrying.

                “What do you think of Caustic?  You know, cause of the acid and stuff.”

                “Er, are you sure?  I mean, yeah, it’s a decent enough name, and I guess it fits.  But that’s definitely a villain name.”

                “Not necessarily.”

                “Yes necessarily.  You might as well call yourself Evil Acid Guy or something.  Caustic is definitely not a…”  A very unpleasant thought came to Dale as he spoke.  He almost didn’t want to know, but he had to, “Linus, are you planning on becoming a villain?”

                “Kind of.”

                “Kind…How do you kind of become a bad guy?”

                “Well, see, I’ve got it all planned out.  Yeah, I’ll be a villain.  But only for awhile.  See, I’ll rob banks, hurt a few people.  You know, bad guy stuff.  But then, something will happen and I’ll reform and be a hero.  I don’t know if I’ll keep the name or not for that though.”

                “Seriously?  That’s your plan?”

                “Yup.”

                “My god, that may be the worst plan I’ve ever heard.  I mean, seriously.  You’re entire plan hinges on some unknown event happening that’ll make you want to turn good, and what’re the odd of that actually happening?  Not to mention what happens when the cops get a hold of you.  And trust me; they’ll get a hold of you.  And then I bet the government will want to capture you and do all kind of experiments.  And since you’ll be a villain, they’ll be completely justified in doing just that.  You’re plan will get you killed way before you can, as you say, reform.”

                “Psh, I got all that covered.  See, there isn’t a jail in the world that can hold me, since I’ll just melt the bars with acid.  Even if they put things around my hands, it won’t be a problem.  I already found out the liquids I make can’t hurt me.  Seriously, I dipped my hands in the strongest acid I could make and it was fine.  I even filled a bucket with water I made and I could breathe in it just fine.  So there’s pretty much no way they can hold me.” 

                Dale smacked his head.  The really sad part was how little Linus had thought his plan through.  There were so many holes in it a child could point them out.  He started with an obvious one.

                “What about guns?  You’re not bullet proof, you know.  All it takes is a clean shot to the head and you’re lab fodder.”

                “I’ll melt the guns before they can fire.”

                “Uh huh.  Yeah, good luck with doing that with a frick’n sniper!  I mean, dear lord, man, listen to yourself.  There’s no way this ends well for you.”

                “Yeah, but we don’t know the full extent of my powers yet.”

                “It doesn’t matter.  No matter what you can do, or what you’ll eventually be able to do, it’ll still end bad real fast.”

                “Alright then, fine.  What would you do?” Linus asked.  He crossed his arms with an annoyed look on his face.

                “Anything else.  I mean, go around irrigating deserts.  Go into industry.  There’s all kinds of practical things you can do with your powers that won’t get you killed.  And if you figure out how to make more kinds of liquids, then there’ll be even more.”

                “Boring.  That stuff’s all boring.  My plan is much more interesting.  Plus, the ladies’ll love it.”

                “Huh?” In one sentence, Linus had managed to bring Dale’s thought process to a screeching halt.

                “Yeah.  See, girls like guys with a bit of a dark side, right?  But they also like nice guys.  So, if I can be a villain who becomes a hero, I get the best of both worlds.  You get it now?”

                “So, you’re entire plan is so you can get girls?”

                “Well, yeah.  Of course it is.  Why, what did you think it was for?”

                Dale hung his head.  He quite simply had no words to reply to that.  Just knowing Linus’ reasons for such a poorly thought out plan somehow made it many times worse.  Dale could maybe tolerate the so called plan if there was a better reason behind it.  But just to get a girl?  That was just ridiculous.

                “You know what?”  Dale said, “I’m out.  I want no part in this.  Don’t ever talk to me about this plan of yours.  I’m serious.  If you ever mention it, I’ll put you under a heat lamp and dry you out or…something.”

                “You’re just jealous that I have a sure fire way to get the ladies.”  Linus looked quite pleased with himself.

                “You keep telling yourself that.” Dale said, rolling his eyes.  “I’m getting out of here before you try and make me your henchman or something.  Let me know when you’re ready to be reasonable.”  And with that, Dale did just that.  He just hoped Linus would come to his senses before something really bad happened.

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If I woke up with this kind of power, I'm honestly not sure what I would do with it.  I can probably think of a bunch of stuff, I'm just not sure I'd actually go through with any of them.