bumbershoot
/ˈbʌm bərˌʃut/
1. an umbrella.
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“Why is it that when I take too long to get ready, you treat
me like I’m the worst person alive, but it’s perfectly fine for you to take as
long as you want?” Jack said, watching his girlfriend scramble around the apartment
looking for something.
“This
is important.” She replied quickly. “I
have to find something before we can go.”
“Okay,
okay, fine.” He just watched her for a
moment. “You know, if you told me what
you’re looking for, I might be able to help you, and then we can get out of
here. Maybe if we hit all the green
lights we can be there on time.”
“I’m
looking for my umbrella.” She said while scouring through a small closet.
“Your…”
Jack took a deep breath. “Why do you
need your umbrella? It’s sunny out.”
“So? I still need it.”
Jack
pulled out his phone and looked at the local weather. It was not unheard of for a bright, sunny day
to turn miserable and rainy. “Oh wow,
two percent chance of rain.” He said, “Better grab my raincoat while we’re at
it.”
Jill’s
glair was icy due to more than just the color.
“Sorry,
but it’s just kind of ridiculous.” He said, undaunted by the bone chilling
gaze. “There’s pretty much no need for
an umbrella today. Why don’t we just go
now and forget it?”
“No. I never leave home without my umbrella, and I
never will.”
Jack
thought back. He had never actually seen
here with an umbrella, but she did carry a very large purse. She could hide a small one inside that easily
enough.
“Why?”
“Because.”
Jack
waited for her to continue. “Why?” He
asked when it became clear no elaboration would be coming.
“Because
you never know when an umbrella will come in handy.”
Jack
thought about that for all of ten seconds.
“An umbrella isn’t exactly an all purpose tool, you know. It only has one function. I guess maybe you can do something with a
full sized one, but come on. The one you
use is a tiny little thing. It’s not
even very good at what it was made to do.
It’s too small and flimsy.”
Jack
was hit by another wave of ice from her eyes.
“You wouldn’t understand.” She said in a voice that matched her look.
“Clearly
not. Look, Jill, we’re late now, it’s
not going to rain, and nobody will ask about an umbrella anyway. Why not just give it a shot? And if it really means that much to you, we
can stop at a gas station or something and get a new one.”
Jill
stopped searching. Jack hoped it was
because she had given up looking. No
such luck. She marched towards him and
pressed her finger into his chest.
“Look,
buster, carrying an umbrella is important to me. There’s no compromise, no way around it. The only way you will ever get me out of this
apartment is…”
She
suddenly stopped and blinked. Jack knew
that look. It was her thinking look. The
look that meant she had just remembered something important and was going over
it in her mind.
“Ah, I
just remembered.” She said. “I took it
out of my purse in the car yesterday.
Let’s get going.” She said.
Jill
strode out the door, leaving Jack behind to wonder at the antics of his
girlfriend.
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An umbrella really is only useful in one situation. Now, a towel on the other hand, that's useful no matter where in the galaxy you go.
But an umbrella can also keep the sun off of one's delicate skin!
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