Word: Turophobia

turophobia

[ tur-uh-foh-bee-uh ]

noun

an irrational or disproportionate fear of cheese.

****************************************

               Lucy and Jack walked hand in hand down the busy city streets.  The young couple barely noticed the crowds that accompanied them. 

               “So, where should we go for dinner on this fine day?” Lucy asked.

               “You’re asking that now?  After we’ve already left?”

               “Yes.”

               Jack sighed with a smile on his face.  “Doesn’t matter.” He said.  He waited for a moment before continuing.  “Well, it does, but there’s too much for me to choose.  How about this:  you give an option and I’ll let you know if I have some deep opposition to said choice.”

               “Okay then.  Let’s see.” Lucy said, stretching the word out.  “I’m thinking Italian.”

               Jack stiffened and his gait became halting.  “No.” He said quickly.

               “No to Italian?  Really?  I thought that was the big always good.  Okay, how about Mexican?”

               “No!” Jack barked. 

               “Seriously?  Not to two of the most delicious types of food out there?  What’s wrong with you that you don’t want either of them?”

               Jack’s eyes darted around nervously.  “Uh, I…I just don’t like them, that’s all.”
               “How do you not like Italian and Mexican?  They’re awesome.”

               “I just don’t, okay?  Just…just drop it and choose something else.  Something without…”  His voice petered out and he looked away from his girlfriend.

               “Without…what?”

               “Nothing.  Nevermind.”

               Lucy thought hard about what those two genres of food had in common.  There was only one

Big similarity.

               “Without cheese, maybe?”

               Jack nearly tripped over his own feet.  “Yes, without cheese.”

               “Don’t like cheese, huh?  Why not?  I know you’re not lactose intolerant.  You eat ice cream way too much.”

               “There’s no such thing as too much ice cream.  And just drop it okay?  Just no cheese.”

               “Oh, now I have to know.  Why won’t you eat cheese?  Your reactions are too strong for it to just not like the stuff.  Besides, there’s so many different kinds that there’s bound to be at least one you like.  No, this is something else.  What is it?”

               “It’s…it’s nothing.  Just drop it, okay?  Please?”

               “Nope.  That ship has sailed, man o’ mine.  Come on, tell me.”

               “Tell me or else the next time I make dinner, it’ll be a nice big mac and cheese.”

               Jack looked at her with wide, panicked eyes.  “Please don’t.  It won’t end well.”

               “Well why not?  I mean, it’s crazy.  You’re acting like…” A slow realization came to her mind.  “Like you’re scared of cheese.”  Jack turned a deep shade of red.  He fidgeted and looked anywhere other than at Lucy.  “Oh my god, you are, aren’t you?  You’re scared of cheese?”

               “I-it’s not funny!  It’s a real thing.”

               Lucy was too busy laughing to say anything else. 

               “I’m serious.” Jack continued.  “It’s called turophobia.  I looked it up.  And it’s not funny.  Whenever I see cheese, I freeze up.  I can’t breathe right, I can’t stop shaking, and all kinds of other things.  My body practically shuts down. It’s not something to laugh at.”

               “Wow, that must suck.  I mean, cheese is everywhere.  How do you keep yourself from panicking whenever you see someone eating pizza on the street?”

               “You know how horses have those blinders to keep from getting spooked by stuff?  Well, I kind of do something similar.  I just hold my hands up by my eyes whenever I pass an Italian place or a pizzeria or anything else like that.  And whenever I go grocery shopping, I get around it by shopping online.”

               “Got it.  So I shouldn’t give you a cheese platter for your birthday, huh?”

               “Don’t even think about it.”

               The two of them walked in silence for a few feet before Lucy said something.  “Sorry for laughing.  I know being badly phobic is a serious thing.  It’s just that, it caught me off guard, since it’s something so ridiculous, you know?”

               “Yeah, I know.  Everyone laughs when they find out.”

               “If it helps, I’m phobic too.  Not badly, but still.”

               “You are?”

               “Yup.  Ophidiophobia.  Snakes.  I…I can’t deal with snakes.  And it’s not just getting freaked out by them, like normal people.  A lot of the things you said that happen to you happen to me.  Maybe not as bad, since I’m not completely paralyzed with fear, but still.”

               “Good to know.  And hey, at least yours is justified.  Mine just makes no sense at all.”

               “Yeah, it really doesn’t, does it?  And even you have to admit, it is kind of funny, even if it is a serious mental condition.”

               “No.  Okay, maybe a little.  But still, no Italian for dinner.  Ever.”
   ***************************************
Man, there's a phobia for everything, isn't there?  Like, EVERYTHING.  Seriously, look up just how many phobias there are.  It's crazy just how many things a person can be cripplingly terrified of.