lugubrious

[ loo-goo-bree-uhs, -gyoo- ]

adjective

mournful, dismal, or gloomy, especially in an affected, exaggerated, or unrelieved manner: lugubrious songs of lost love.

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               “Life sucks.” Jack said. His head was resting on the table and his eyes held a vacant look that seemed like it had been practiced.

               His roommate, Kevin groaned. Kevin’s girlfriend, Sally huffed and rolled he eyes. Both of them had heard this before.

               “Oh, what is it this time?” Kevin asked. “Did you forget to wash your clothes and now you don’t have anything clean?”

               “Maybe he slightly overcooked his lunch, and that just made everything worse.” Sally chimed in.

               “Oh, laugh it up. You two don’t understand my suffering.”

               “Oh please, when have ever suffered in your life?” Kevin said. “The worst thing that’s ever happened to you is having to wait a while to be seated at a busy restaurant.”

               “Yeah, really. You’ve got it pretty sweet.” Sally agreed. “You’ve got a nice place to live, a good job, plenty of food. Really, if you weren’t single, I’d say you were living the dream.”

               “Shows how much you know. My life is utterly miserable.”

               “How so?”

               “Oh, you two wouldn’t understand. You two are just so happy with each other. Frankly, it’s disgusting.”

               The couple looked at each other with sudden understanding. Jack had gone on a blind date last night. Apparently, it had not gone well.

               “Okay, what happened?” Kevin asked.

               “Nothing.” Jack said heavily.

               “Come on, you can tell us. How bad was it?”

               “Terrible. Awful. The worst date I’ve ever been on.”

               “It can’t be that bad.” Sally said.

               Jack slowly turned to look at the other two. He blinked with controlled, almost agonizing slowness.

               “She was the worst person I’ve ever met. She kept talking about…things.”

               “Well, what was she supposed to do?” Kevin asked. “I mean, isn’t talking what you’re supposed to do on a date? That’s pretty much what we did on our first date. And just about every date after that.”

               Sally nodded her agreement.

               “Not like this. I could barely get a word in. Even when she asked me something, she didn’t give me the chance to answer. She just kept going on and on.”

               Sally hummed and held her chin. “Seems like she’s either way too talkative or just a case of bad nerves. I’ve seen some women do that when they’re nervous. Others do just like the sound of their own voice. If it was the former, then just keep at it and she’ll calm down. If the latter, well, yeah, that’s pretty bad.”

               “Even so, it could’ve been way worse.” Kevin said. “If the worst thing she did was talk, then I’d consider that a mild irritation and move on. Not a reason to be so gloomy.”

               Jack muttered under his breath.

               “Wait, is this because you came home alone? I bet it is.” Kevin said with a smirk.

               “Oh, that can’t be it.” Sally insisted.

               Jack turned away from them.

               “See? It totally is. He was expecting to get some action, and now he’s all gloomy and bummed that he didn’t get any.”

               Sally rolled her eyes. “I doubt that it’s like that. I mean, you didn’t care much when our first date ended like that.”

               “Yeah, but I wasn’t expecting it to. Jack was.”

               “So what?” Jack said. “Isn’t that normal?”

               Sally stared daggers at Jack. “You’re disgusting.” She then stood up and marched to Kevin’s room.

               “What? What’d I do?”

               Kevin went up to his roommate and clapped him on the back. “Buddy, take it from me. If that’s what made the date bad, maybe you’re the problem, and not the woman.”

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Yeah, I don't have much to say right now. Maybe next time.

Word: Risibility

risibility

[ riz-uh-bil-i-tee ]

---

noun, plural ris·i·bil·i·ties.

1. Often risibilities. the ability or disposition to laugh; humorous awareness of the ridiculous and absurd.

2. laughter.

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               Jack wrung his hands as he slowly made his way through the dark forest. He had no idea how he had gotten there, since he had been hiking in the state park. Then he turned a corner on the trail, and everything was different. The trees were larger, and covered most of the sky. There was an oppressive, ominous feeling in the air. And then there was the laughter.

               It was a light, tittering laughter that, by itself, would not cause any real distress. The problem was that it came from dozens of places all around him. Whatever creatures were laughing were all around him, hidden in the dense foliage.

               Every time he heard a new source of the laughter, Jack quickly turned to try and find who, or what, it came from. He had yet to succeed. It was a cold comfort knowing that the laughing things were at least staying a good distance away from him.

               “What is it?”

               Jack froze. That was the first voice he had heard, and it came from the tree. It seemed like whoever was laughing could also speak.

               “Don’t know, don’t know. Never seen anything like it.” Said another voice. This was followed by more laughter.

               “It’s ugly.” A third said.

               That got to him. Jack had always considered himself a good-looking guy. Maybe not movie star quality, but still good. And he had never heard any of his past girlfriends complain about his looks.

               “What should we do with it?”

               “Should we eat it?”

               “No!” Jack cried. “No you shouldn’t. I, uh, I’m poisonous, yeah. If you eat me, you’ll…you’ll swell up until you burst. Literally.  It’ll be like, pop!”

               The laughter stopped for a moment. Then it came back several times louder and more numerous.

               “It says it’s poison!”

               “It’s very funny! Maybe we should take it and make it tell jokes instead of eating it!”

               They could tell he was lying? That did not bode well. At least he had amused them. That might be worth something. Maybe he could play up the comedy factor. Then again, humor had never been one of his strong suits, even among people he knew. He had no idea what these things would find funny. Although, they seemed to find his very existence funny, so there was that.

               “O-oh yeah, you should do that. That sounds a lot better than eating me.” He said. “I bet I’m a lot funnier than I am tasty. Hell, I probably don’t even taste very good.  I’m probably really stringy and coppery tasting.  So yeah, better to keep me alive for entertainment than dinner.”

               Being a glorified clown for these things was definitely better than dying. He could at least figure out where he was and maybe even how to get away.

               “Too much work.” One of the voices said. “I still say we eat it. We can find fun things elsewhere, yes?”

               The laughter grew in intensity. And the things grew closer. Jack started to run.

               “It runs! It runs! We will chase it!” Said dozens of the laughing creatures.

               Jack never looked behind him to see what was chasing him. All he heard was the rustling of great leaves and the wild laughter of his pursuers. His breath soon came in ragged gasps and his legs burned. And then he felt something. His foot caught on an exposed root. He hit the floor. And then he felt nothing. 

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Yeah, it's exactly what you think it is. He's not going to be seen again. Like, ever. Que dramatic music and all that.

Word: Klatsch

klatsch

or klatch

[ klahch, klach ]

noun

a casual gathering of people, especially for refreshments and informal conversation: a sewing klatsch.

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               Jeff trudged through the room. He had long since given up pretending to care about tea. He did not even drink the stuff. And yet, here he was, among old women talking about something he had exactly zero interest in.

               He soon found the far wall, which had thankfully been lined with chairs. And there, sitting in one of those chairs, was something that made his being there much more enjoyable. He slowly made his way up to the pretty girl who was fiddling with her phone.

               “Hey, uh, mind if I sit here?” He asked. The girl shrugged without looking up.

               Jeff sat and pulled his device out. Now he just had to figure out how to start a conversation. Should he just ask her a question? Would that be weird? It would probably be weird. Besides, he did not know her, so he had nothing to ask about. Well, other than the tea tasting.

               “So, your mom drag you here too?” He asked.

               “Ugh, yeah.” She said. “I told her I didn’t want to come.”

               “Same. I mean, seriously, who likes this stuff?”

               “I know, right? Who cares if there’s, like, twenty kinds of tea? It’s all just tea, which is the most boring drink ever.”

               “Jeff.”

               “Lisa.”

               Okay, that was a big leap forward. He now knew her name. Now he just needed to keep the conversation going. Should he ask about not seeing her at school? No, that was pointless. It was a big school, and there was no way to know everyone in it. Besides, she could also go to a different school.

               He glanced quickly at her screen. It was a game. And not a small puzzle game, but a real one. Well, as real as a mobile game ever could be.

               “What’re you playing?” He asked.

               “It’s some lame attempt at a shooter. It sucks, but it’s better than nothing.” She answered. “Don’t bother asking what it is, I barely remember. Hell, I only downloaded it because it’s free.”

               “Got it. You play anything else?”

               “Oh yeah. I own everyone at Warrior Zone.” She said with a smirk.

               Now he was on familiar territory. “Oh really? Because I bet I could take you.”

               She let out a quick, barking laugh. “I doubt that. What rank are you?”

               “Diamond five.” Jeff said proudly. She let out a low whistle.

               “Not bad. I’m diamond six though.”

               Damn, that meant she was good. “Okay, maybe you’ll be a good challenge. I mean, I always need a good warm up match.”

               “Oh you’re on.”

She felt around for anything to write on and came up with a small napkin that she tore in two. That was then followed by a small, eraserless pencil. She scribbled something on half the napkin and handed everything to him. A quick glance at the writing showed what was obviously a gamer tag. Jeff responded in kind.

“I look forward to filling you full of lead.” Lisa said as she tucked his online handle into her pocket.

“You can try.” Jeff replied as he did the same. Now that he had an in, he just had to keep rolling with it. “So, what else do you play?”

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To be fair, there are a lot of really good mobile games out there. But those are a vast minority.