Word: lagniappe

 

lagniappe

\ lan-YAP, LAN-yap \  , noun;

1. Chiefly Southern Louisiana and Southeast Texas . a small gift given with a purchase to a customer, by way of compliment or for good measure; bonus.

2. a gratuity or tip.

3. an unexpected or indirect benefit.

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“See, I told ya it’d work.”  Kelly said.  She kicked up her feet and set it on the table, leaning far back in the chair as she looked at Leslie. 

                “Yeah, I guess.  That doesn’t mean I have to like it though.”  Leslie said.  She held the small stack of small bills like they would come alive and bite her.

                “Pff, who cares if you don’t like it?  All that matters is the results.”

                “But it’s so…degrading.”

                “Oh please, showing a little skin to get better tips isn’t the end of the world.  It’s not like we work at a strip club or anything.  Now that’d be degrading.”

                “Well, yeah.  But still, do I really have to bend over so much?  I mean, I could practically feel their stares.” 

                “If you want big tips you do.  And you get used to the leers.  I’m kind of surprised you’re even complaining about it.”

                “Getting looked on the street is one thing.  This is entirely different.”

                “If you insist.  But trust me, it gets easier.”

                “I’m just asking if there’s a better way.  I mean, can’t we just, you know, wow them with a pleasant attitude and good service?  I can do that no problem.”

                “That only works if the table is all women.  For the guys, showing some skin is the best way to go.”

                “It just feels wrong to me is all.”

                “Wrong?  Les, you’ve got some insane assets going for you.”  Kelly said.  Leslie felt her face getting red and she pulled down the hem of her skirt just a tiny bit.  She had suddenly become keenly aware of the busboy cleaning off a table behind her whose eyes were definitely not on his task.  “It’d be almost criminal not to put them to work for you.  ‘Sides, a little T&A never hurt anyone.”

                “I just feel like if I act like I’m trying to flirt with them, they’ll get the wrong idea.”

                “Well, yeah.  They will.  That’s the point.  You want them to think you want them.  If they think they have a shot with you, they’ll give awesome tips.  If you just take their order and leave, you’ll get normal tips.  Trust me; this’ll net you a lot more green than you’d get if you did it your way.”

                “Ok, yeah, I get that.  But some of the guys here are well...”

                “You don’t have to tell me about the guys here.  I know some of them are creepy as hell.  But hey, that’s gonna happen no matter where you go.  And hey, not all of them are bad.  You do get some really hot guys coming in.  It’s those you want to keep an eye out for.  That’s how I got my boyfriend you know.”

                “Yeah, I know.  You told me.”  Leslie said, “Several times.”  She added under her breath.

                “So yeah, just a little harmless flirting gets big results.  You get tons more tips, and if you get a hot guy out of it, then bonus.”  She said, saying that last word with a sing song voice.

“What makes you think I even want to get a boyfriend here?”  Leslie asked.  Kelly returned to a normal sitting position before replying.

                “Don’t want…  Listen Leslie, you’re young, hot, and single.  Those three things sound not be used to describe the same person at the same time.  You have the ability to get any guy you want, use it.”

                “I’d just rather not define myself by my ability to get a man is all.  And I’d rather earn my tips, rather than my cleavage doing it for me.”

                Kelly didn’t answer right away.  She just sat and looked at the junior waitress with a mixture of shock and surprise.  To her, what Leslie was saying was akin to blasphemy.  How could Leslie not want to use her god given traits?  Every girl she knew who was so endowed was quite willing to show it off and make use of it, including Kelly herself.  And yet, here was Leslie, not doing just that.  It all came out as one thing in her mind.

                “You’re kind of weird.”  She said.

                “Why?  Because I want to succeed with my skills and abilities instead of my looks?”  Leslie said. 

She was having much less difficulty understanding Kelly’s point of view than the opposite.  All her adult life, she had known women just like Kelly who relied on their looks to get ahead.  She wanted none of it.  After all, she wouldn’t have her looks forever, so why rely on them?

“Exactly.”  Kelly said.

“Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t show a little T&A as you call it, but it just feels wrong to me.  It might hurt my tips in the short run, but I really think it’ll be better later on.”

“If you say so.”  Kelly said.  She just looked at Leslie with an odd expression on her face.

“I do.  So, I’m going to try it my way.  I admit I probably won’t get great tips with all my shirt buttons buttoned, but it’ll be much more rewarding when I do.”  She said, confident in her choice.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get home and change into something normal.” 

Leslie headed into the back of the diner to record her gains for the day before heading home.  Kelly just looked at her oddly the entire time, trying to figure out what was going through the other girl’s head.

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I can honestly say I've never had a waitress act all 'flirty' with me.  But then again, most of the waitresses I've encountered have been a bit more advanced in years than the two in this story.  And when I've had a younger waitress, I'm usually with other people, so it doesn't come up anyway.  But I'd think it happens in other places, right?

Word: garboil

 

garboil

\ GAHR-boil \  , noun;

1. Archaic . confusion.

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“Say that again?” Tony said.  The older man sighed.

                “I said I’m you from the future.”  Tony just looked at the man and blinked.  His face contorted in confusion.

                “One more time.”  He said

                “Seriously?  Look, it’s not that hard.  I come from the year 2038, and I traveled through time, and here I am.”

                “Yeah, I still don’t get it.”

                “What’s not to get?  I mean, it doesn’t get much clearer.”

                “I think the whole premise, really.  I mean, do you really expect me to believe that time travel is a reality in only 24 years?  And why the hell would you come here and not to some place interesting?  Like anywhere else.”

                “It doesn’t quite work like that.  Time travel is still a new technology, and it’s far from perfect.  In fact, as far as I know, I’m the first human to travel back in time.”

                Now Tony was not only confused, but skeptical as well.  There was so much wrong with what was going on.  The man who claimed to be his older self did have many similarities to himself, but the man could just be a relative he didn’t know.  And he didn’t exactly look like someone to be the trial run for a potentially dangerous technology.  In fact, the guy was a bit round about the middle. 

                “And how were you picked out for this trip?”

                “Well, let’s just say sweepstakes are just as common in the future as they are now.”  The man said.

                “Wait, you mean you won some kind of ‘win a trip to the past’ contest?”

                “Yup.”

                “Not because you were the last person alive or anything?”

                “Nope.  Humanity is doing pretty well for itself.”

                “So, I don’t have to do anything to save the future then?”  Tony asked.  If this guy wanted to pretend to be himself from the future, he might as well play along.  It could be interesting.

                “Why would you have to do that?”

                “So no world ending robot apocalypse then?”

                “Nope.  I mean, there are robots.  But they’re pretty much ok with things.”

                “Ah.  How about alien invasions?”

                “Hm.  Depends on how you look at it.  There are aliens, but I wouldn’t call their arrival an invasion.”

                “How so?”

                “The first genuine extra-terrestrial life that landed on Earth just wanted a few large pizzas with anchovies and pineapple.  The second group wanted some strawberry-rhubarb pie.  And the third wanted tickets to a major league baseball game.  And pretty much every alien after that is pretty much the same.”

                “Ok, yeah.  That makes no sense at all.”  Tony said.  The more the man spoke, the more confused Tony became.   

                “That’s pretty much what everyone else said also.  But hey, we go with it.”

                “Right.  So I guess there wasn’t any zombies or life ending viruses then?”

                “Zombies don’t exist and any big viral outbreaks like that are cured pretty quickly.”

                “I guess that’s good.  So then, why are you here?”

                “Gum.”

                “Huh?”
                “Chewing gum.  I need some chewing gum.”

                Tony just blinked at his supposedly older self. The more he thought about what was just said, the more confused he became.

                “What, there’s no gum in the future?”

                “There was until about two months ago.  I can’t give you any details, but chewing gum becomes very important in the future.  Well, a few months ago, some idiots with grand ideas went and blew up the factories and deleted all the files with recopies and manufacturing methods.  Don’t ask why, it’s pretty complex.”

                “Uh huh.”

                “So, anyway, after the gum supply dwindled, some big name scientist said he had a solution.  He made the very first time machine, and wanted someone to go back in time and get some gum.  They can use it to relearn how to make more.  Only problem was, nobody in their right mind wanted to take the trip.  And that’s when the sweepstakes was held.  I got lucky, and here I am.”

                “So you were a chump they needed because nobody smart wanted to risk their life for candy?”

                “Yes, but gum is much more than candy in the future.  You’ll have to trust me on that.”

                “Uh huh.  And I guess you want me to get the stuff because you only have future money?”

                “Pretty much.”

                Tony sighed.  He was expecting someone to leap out from behind a bush with a camera at any moment.  He had no such luck though, and was left to think about the man’s ridiculously confusing and nonsensical story.

                “Do I at least get something out of it?”

                “Oh sure, sure.  See, before I left, I got permission to give you this.”  He took a small flash drive out of his pocket and presented it to Tony.

                The thing was a quite ordinary flash drive.  Tony couldn’t see how big it was, because all the words and numbers had been worn off. In fact, the entire thing looked much older than it should.  The plastic was faded and chipped in some places, and the innards looked suspect at best.

                “Careful with that.  It’s an antique.  We pulled it out of retirement just for this.  It should work fine though.”

                “If you say so?”  Tony said with a quizzical look.

                “After we get the gum, you can look at the contents.  I have no idea what’s on there, but the people who sent me here tell me it’ll make you, and therefore me, very rich n a few years.”

                “How…nice of them.”

                “I know, right?  I mean, they told me I can’t say anything important about the future for various reasons, and they still give me this to give to you.  It’s great, huh?”

                “Uh huh.  Look, let’s just get you your gum and then you can go back to…wherever it is you come from.  Sound good?”

                “Sounds perfect.  Oh, but I need more than one pack.  They said to bring back at least twenty, but more would be better.”

                “Yeah, sure.  Whatever.”  Tony said.  He didn’t know why he was going along with this.  But, he was glad the guy wanted something cheap.  He just hoped the flash drive wouldn’t load his computer with viruses. 

*****************************************

Nothing more confusing than a visit by your future self, am I right?  Also, this word is fun, just for how it sounds.  I mean, just listen to it.  Isn't that just a sweet sounding word? 

Word: Scofflaw

scofflaw

\ SKAWF-law, SKOF- \  , noun;

1. a person who flouts the law, especially one who fails to pay fines owed.

2. a person who flouts rules, conventions, or accepted practices.

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The large room was dark and eerily quiet.  The only lights were from two narrow beams that moved around the area, illuminating the desks and chairs that occupied the room.  The only sounds were those of the two individuals holding the lights.  One of them took normal, unhurried steps.  The others footfalls were short, jerky and panicked.  His breath matched his footsteps as he cast his small flashlight nervously around.

                “We shouldn’t be here.”  Sam, the nervous boy said.

                “Yeah, yeah.  I heard you the first ten times.”  The other boy, Trevor, said while rolling his eyes.

                “You sure?  Cause we’re still here.”

                “Oh don’t be such a baby.  Nothing’s gonna happen.  ‘Sides, even if we were caught, what’s the worst that could happen?”

                “We could be arrested for breaking and entering for one.”

                “Pff, yeah, like that’ll happen.  First off, we’re both minors.  Second, your dad’s a cop and we’re using his keys to get into the station.  If anyone asks, we just say he asked us to come and get something from his desk.”

                “And when they ask him, he denies it and we get sent to juvie for stealing the keys on top of breaking and entering.”

                “You worry too much.  It’s not like we’re trying to steal anything.  We just want to look around.”

                “Uh huh.  And what’re we looking for?”  Sam asked bluntly.

                “Oh you know, anything cool.  We won’t take anything, just look.  Maybe take a few pics to show off at school tomorrow.”

                “Yeah, right.  This wouldn’t have anything to do with those parking tickets your dad doesn’t want to pay, would it?” 

                Trevor stopped dead.  He shined his flashlight in Sam’s face.  Sam covered his eyes to shield them from the bright light.  Sam tried to duck out of the beam, but Trevor moved the light to keep it on Sam’s face.

                “Dude, would you stop that?”  Sam asked as he tried to ward off the light.  Trevor didn’t say anything.  “Ok, ok, I’m sorry I said anything about your dad ducking the tickets.”

                “Damn right you are.”  Trevor said as he removed the light from Sam’s face.  “Now where’s the evidence locker.  I bet that’s where all the really cool stuff is.”

                “It’s in the back, but…”

                Trevor dashed off before Sam could finish speaking.  It was Sam’s turn to roll his eyes as he followed his friend to the evidence room.  Trevor was trying to open the locked door until Sam showed up.  As soon as both teens were there, Trevor excitedly looked to Sam, giving him a silent look to open the door.

                “Just so you know, I can’t open the door for you.”  Sam said.

                “Sure you can.  You got your dad’s keys and everything.  Oh wait, I bet you don’t know which one it is.  Don’t worry about that.  Just try them all until you find the right one.”

                “No, I can’t.  I really can’t do that.”

                “Ok fine.  Give me the keys and I’ll do it you big wimp.”

                Sam sighed and held out the small key ring.  Trevor snatched the keys and hurriedly tried one of them.  When it didn’t fit, he went on to the next one. He tried them one after another with no luck. 

                “You know it’s not going to work.”  Sam said.

                “Shut up.  I just haven’t found the right key yet is all.”  Trevor said as he fumbled with the next key.

                “No, I mean—“

                “Quiet, I think this one’s it.”  Trevor said, interrupting Sam.  “It’s the last one, so it has to be the right one.”

                Trevor placed the key up to the keyhole almost reverently.  The tip of the key went into the small opening, and stopped dead.  Trevor fidgeted with the key, trying to get it to go into the lock.  When it was clear it wouldn’t, he looked angrily at Sam.

                “Dude, what gives?  Why won’t any of these work?”

                “I told you it wouldn’t.  If you’d have listened, I’d have told you my dad doesn’t have the key to the evidence room.  Only the people who work there can get in.  Normal cops like my dad can’t.”

                “Seriously?  You mean we came all this way for nothing?”

                “Yup.”

                “Well what about the chief’s office?  I bet he has the key.  Why don’t we try there?”

                “Won’t work.  He keeps his office locked at night, and dad doesn’t have that key either.”

                “So why does he have all these keys if they won’t do any good?”

                “Well, let’s see.”  Sam took the keys and started going through them, “This one’s for the station, this one’s for the squad car.  This one’s the normal car.  I’m pretty sure this one’s his locker.”

                “Whoa, hold on, his locker?  Does he keep his gun and stuff in there?”  Sam shrugged his shoulders.  “Let’s go check it out.  We can salvage this night yet.”

                Just then, another light filtered in through the windows.  It past by and stopped, shining in through the front.  It soon stopped and was cut off abruptly. 

                “See, this is why I said we shouldn’t be here.”  Sam said quickly, his nervous panic returning.

                “Uh, uh.” Trevor stuttered.  He had no idea what to do.  “Um, are there any good places to hide?”

                Sam nodded and started leading the way to what he hoped would be a secure hiding spot.  Once they were there, they crouched down and waited. 

                “Just so you know,” Sam whispered as the sound of a key turning in the front door reached them, “If we get caught, I’m so blaming you.”

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 I'm sure they'll be fine.  Kind of.  I haven't thought of what might happen.  I'll leave that up the your imagination.