Word: somnambulism

somnambulism

\ som-NAM-byuh-liz-uhm, suhm- \  , noun;

1. sleepwalking.

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 A loud thump came from downstairs.  Sam woke with a start when the sound reached him.  He listened for a while, then figured it was probably something hitting the side of the house and was about to go back to sleep.  Then another thump sounded through the room, and then another soon after.  He scrambled out of bed and threw on whatever clothes he could get his hands on before leaving his room. 

               Out in the hallway, he nearly ran into Evan, one of his guests for the night.  He was also dressed haphazardly, and he held a knife shaped letter opener like it would keep him alive. The two of them looked at each other for a moment.  Evan looked like he was about to say something, but Sam held a finger to his lips.  Evan nodded and fell in line behind Sam as he made his way to the stairs. 

               Both of them crept down as quietly as they could as the thumps sounded out at irregular intervals.  As they got closer to the source, Sam was getting more and more worried that there was an uninvited guest in his house that may or may not have hostile intent for him and his stuff. 

               At the bottom of the stairs, he paused to listen.  The thumps were coming from the living room.  He slowly and carefully worked his way there.  He soon found that there were many things out of place.  Not by much, but still.  In fact, it was more like someone repeatedly bumped into things rather than removed anything.  Once he got to the room in question, he peaked inside.  The darkness made it tough to see what was going on, but there was definitely someone there.  He felt around the wall for the light switch, intending to flip it on and surprise the ner-do-well, hoping to gain the advantage that way.  He flipped on the light and started to run into the room.  That is, until he saw who was there.  He stopped and breathed a sigh of relief.

               “Well? What’s going on?”  Evan whispered, taking the sudden silence as a signal that it was alright to talk.

               “It’s ok man, come on and check this out.”  Sam whispered back.  Evan crept into the room.

               “Huh.  Who knew.”  He said.

               Standing in the middle of the room was Leslie, Sam’s other houseguest.  She was dressed in sleep clothes; a pair of sleep pants and a loose teddy bear T-shirt.  Her normally impeccably styled hair was disheveled and wild.  And she was clearly still asleep.  Her eyes were closed and her breathing was slow and deep.  Plus, the fact that she kept bumping into the furniture was a big tip off. 

               “That Leslie’s a sleepwalker?”  Sam asked, more than a little amused. 

               “Yeah.  You’d think she’d have mentioned something like that.”

               “Maybe she doesn’t know?”

               “Nah.  Somebody’d have told her by now.”

               “I guess so.  But what should we do now?  Should we try and wake her or something?”

               “Oh hey, I got an idea.  Go get your phone.  This is gonna be good.”  Evan said with a mischievous grin on his face.  Sam did as his friend asked, and he soon returned with his phone already set for a video.  He might not have known what Evan had in mind, but he could guess why he wanted Sam’s phone in the area.

               “Ok, I’ve got it.  What now.”

               “Just take a vid of this and post it once I’m done.”

               “You sure?  I mean, she might not like that.”

               “Are you kidding me?  She’d be the first to tell you to upload it.”  Evan said.  Sam knew he was right.  Leslie was the type of girl who posted every video she took to YouTube, no matter how inane it was.  Sam nodded and started the video.

               Evan stood by a bit and let Sam record Leslie’s sleepwalking for a few seconds.  Then he motioned for Sam to follow him as he approached her.  He stood behind Leslie and moved in close to her ear.

               “Hey Les.”  He said quietly.

               “’Lo.”  She said dreamily.

               “Where are you Les?”  He asked.  Leslie let out a light laugh.

               “Silly deer, we’re in th’ woods.” She said right before bumping into a wall.  Evan tried to stifle his laughter. 

               “Oh, I see.  Well then, you’d better be careful.  Looks like you’re running into a lot of trees.”  Evan said.

               “Can’t help it.  They move.”  Leslie said. 

               “Oh, well that must be tough then.” 

               “Ye, it is.” 

               “But you know what the worst about moving trees is?”

               “’S that?”

               “You don’t know what might be waiting for you.”

               “Like what?”

               “Well, for example…”  He paused a bit to smile at the camera.  “Oh my god look out there’s a bear!”  He shouted as he grabbed her shoulder and shook her.

               Leslie let out a terrified scream.  Then, suddenly, her arm lashed out behind her and hit Evan square in the jaw.  He stumbled back and clutched his face in pain.  Leslie stood there wide eyed and breathless, looking around quickly.  Sam recorded the whole thing as he burst out laughing.  He held the view on Evan for a few moments as he grumbled in pain, and then quickly moved it up to the still panicked Leslie. 

               “W-what just happened?”  She asked, now fully awake.  Sam cut the video there and started the process of uploading it to the internet. 

               “You were sleepwalking.”  He said once the process was underway.  “Evan just tried to be creative in waking you up.”  She turned quickly to Evan, who was just starting to get back up, and glared at him. 

               “Oh really?  You know you’re not supposed to wake up a sleepwalker, right?”  She said.  It was a thinly veiled threat, but Evan was in no position to understand that.

               “Yeah, yeah.  Whatever.”  He said, still nursing his jaw.  “You didn’t put that up, did you?”  He asked Sam.

               “Of course I did.”  He said proudly.

               “Wait, you recorded that?”  Leslie asked.

               “That a problem?”  Sam said.

               “Just make sure that people know I was asleep, ok?”  She said sternly.  Sam nodded with a big grin plastered on his face.

               “Oh dear god, I can’t believe you did that.”  Evan said.

               “Why not?  It was your idea you know.”  Sam said.

               “Yeah, but that was before I got punched.”

               “It wasn’t a punch.  More like a slap or something.”

               “Whatever.”  Evan said, unable to think of anything else to say.

               “Hey, you should be happy.  You might become the next viral video in a few weeks.”

               “Oh yeah.  Great.” 

               “Um, Sam, can I at least see the video?”  Leslie chimed in.   Sam played the video for her, and she soon started laughing at Evan.  “Oh yeah, this is going viral for sure.  And thanks for getting my good side by the way.”

               “You have a good side?”  Sam asked playfully.  His reward was a playful punch on the arm.

               “Can we just go back to sleep and talk about this in the morning?”  Evan asked, still miserable at the humiliation he would now be sharing with the world.

               “Sound good to me.”  Sam said.  “So should we like, tie you down Les?” 

               “Oh ha ha ha.”  She said.  She paused to think about it for a moment.  “Oh second thought, that might not be such a bad idea.”

               The three talked about the best way to keep Leslie from sleepwalking all the way to the top of the stairs.  Once there though, they each returned to their own rooms, ready to get back to sleep.  Sam, for his part, couldn’t wait to see what would pop up during the night.  

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Ah YouTube, letting people share the humiliation and embarrassment of their friends since 2005.  Where oh where would the modern world be without it?

                

Word: falderal

 

falderal

\ FAL-duh-ral \  , noun;

1. mere nonsense; foolish talk or ideas.

2. a trifle; gimcrack; gew-gaw.

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Jeff walked into the room with a wide smile on his face.  The music was at just the right volume.  Loud enough to be heard by all, but not loud enough to create premature hearing loss in the people present.  The lights were also just right.  Dim enough for the occasion, but bright enough to see by (although it did take a minute or two to properly adjust).  The party was in full swing, with people either on the dance floor or hovering around the food.  Jeff figured the best place to be was with the later group.  At least at first. 

               He looked for someone to talk to, with the members of the fair sex being his prime target.  Unfortunately, most of the girls there were either with a date, or dressed to ‘show off’, which is something Jeff did not want, even if most guys did.  He just had to wonder why Halloween was the one time of year when so many girls dressed like that. 

               He scanned the room, and eventually found exactly what he was looking for.  A pretty girl standing alone off to one side of the room.  She was dressed as a fighter pilot, and not one that the words ‘sexy’ or ‘naughty’ could be applied to.   Both of those were good things in his eyes.  Plus, not only was she alone, but she wasn’t scanning the room looking for someone.  He knew this didn’t necessarily mean she was dateless, but it didn’t hurt either. 

               Jeff casually walked over to her and sat down in a nearby chair.  He gave no indication that he was paying any attention to her, but rather looked out over the dance floor at the myriad of costumed people. Then he simply waited for the girl to notice him and ask the inevitable question.

               “What exactly are you supposed to be?”  The girl said.  Jeff smiled, knowing stage one of his plan had been a rousing success.  He stood up with pretend drama.

               “I am Nonsense.”  He said proudly.  Jeff’s costume was not one that is normally seen.  His face was painted with several colors, with no pattern to it.  His clothes had been covered with colored pieces of paper.  Each of the small squares was covered with either a drawing or a few sentences.  Not one of them made any sense at all.  There was no pattern, no connections between them, and no method to the madness.  It was pure, random, nonsense.

               “What?”  The girl said with equal parts confusion and amusement.

               “Nonsense.  I’m every nonsensical thing that has ever been said or done.”  She blinked a few times, and then hung her head.

               “Oh geeze, there’s another one of you.”  She said.  Jeff’s smile fell.

               “Another one?  You mean another person dressed like me?”

               “Not quite.  See, the guy I’m here with is something along the same line.  Not Nonsense, but still.” 

               That was a killer blow.  Jeff knew there was a chance she would have a date, but he was hoping she didn’t.  Now he would have to give up on her and find another one.  All he needed was a way to end the conversation in a way that didn’t seem like he wanted to leave.  He was about to start the process, when someone behind him spoke up.

               “Excuse me, did I hear you correctly?  Is this man Nonsense?”  It was a guy’s voice.  Most likely the girl’s date. 

               “Yeah, that’s right, I am.”  Jeff said as he turned around to face the newcomer.

               His appearance was crisp, neat and orderly.  While his body was also covered with small pieces of paper, they were arranged in neat rows, unlike Jeff’s which were stuck on haphazardly.  While he couldn’t see what was printed on the papers, he could see they were neatly done, and each seemed to connect in some way to those around it.  The guy’s face was unpainted and undecorated.  No, there was some decoration.  His ears had latex additions.  They were ears that he had seen before in a movie recently.  Vulcan ears.  That alone was enough to tell him what he wanted to know.  Although he couldn’t get the girl, he could at least have some fun.

               “Logic.”  He said with mock hated.  He even narrowed his eyes to almost comical slits.

               “Nonsense.”  The guy responded in kind. 

               They stood there looking at each other for a moment.  Then Jeff made his move.  He threw a long, slow punch aimed at the guy’s head.  He missed purposely, but his counterpart still acted like he got hit.  The guy even slapped his thigh to make the impact sound.  The guy reeled back and held his cheek where he ‘got hit’.

               “A pink elephant flies over the moon!”  Jeff called out, think of the most random, nonsensical thing he could think of.  Logic gave an overly exaggerated wince at the statement, but quickly launched his ‘counter’, aiming a fake punch at Jeff’s stomach.  Jeff moved with it like the other guy did.

               “Elephants are land based mammals, and therefore cannot fly.  In addition, there is no ‘over’ the moon!”  Logic said.  Jeff acted like he had been hit with another blow before retaliating.

               The mock fight went on like this for quite some time.  Jeff would make a fake attack, and then follow it up with the most nonsensical thing he could think of.  Then the other would do the same, delivering a staged attack, then refuting the statement with cold, hard logic.

               People were starting to gather around to watch the theatrics.  Most of them probably had no idea what was going on, but it was fun to watch.  The girl stood there and snickered at Jeff and her date.  She looked like she wanted to step in and stop the ‘fight’, but was having too much fun watching to do anything about it. 

               After several volleys though, Jeff started to run out of ideas.  His words were starting to become repetitive.  Although still pure nonsense, it was harder to come up with new things to say.  He would have to end it soon.  His chance came soon enough.  Logic had just finished his ‘attack’, and instead of getting up and countering, Jeff wobbled around a bit.

               “I…I…”  He stuttered.  Then, he fell to his knees, and then to the floor.  He heard several groans of disappointment from the crowd, and he had no doubt the ‘fight’ would be posted online in a few hours, but he didn’t care much. 

               “Are you ok down there?”  Logic said. 

               “Quiet, can’t you see I’m wallowing in defeat?”  Jeff said.  He waited a few more seconds before getting up.  “Ok, that’s enough wallowing.” He smiled and held out his hand.  “Jeff.”  He said as the other guy took the offered hand.

               “Chris.”  He said.  “And this is my sister Kelly.”  He pointed to the girl.  Jeff did a mental back flip when he heard that.  He wasn’t her date.  He still had a shot.  Plus, he had gotten off to a good start with her brother, which was always a good thing.

               “Nice to meet you both.”  He said.

               “Likewise.”  Kelly said with an amused smile.

               “So uh, how’d you know what I am?”  Chris asked.

               “It’s the ears.  Anyone who’s seen Star Trek would know what those things are.”

               “See, told you they would give it away.”  Kelly said.

               “Yeah, yeah.  It just seemed to fit, you know?” 

               “I’m sure.”  Jeff said.  “So, what are you two doing after the party?”  He asked.

               “Nothing.  Just going home and hanging.  You want to come?”  Kelly asked.

               “Sure thing.”  Jeff said. This was a very good sign for him.  The fact that Chris wasn’t protesting helped quite a bit as well.  “But for now, why don’t we hit the dance floor?”

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Halloween is coming up soon.  Do you have your costume ready?  Also, just for the heck of it, Live long and prosper.

Word: blowzy

 

blowzy

\ BLOU-zee \  , adjective;

1. having a coarse, ruddy complexion.

2. disheveled in appearance; unkempt.

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The bar was just about empty, but that wasn’t much of a surprise, given the time of day.  It wasn’t even three yet, so the only people there were the late lunch people that cared more for the food instead of the beer.  And even then, there were only two of them.

               The door opened slowly and a man shuffled in, the hot, dusty air billowing in after him as the door slowly closed.  The bartender wouldn’t have given him another look if he had sat at a table.  But, since the man chose to plant himself at the bar, he didn’t have much choice.  The man’s skin was red and blistered. His hair was matted and covered with dirt and sand.  His clothes were torn and ragged.  This was a man who had seen better days.

               “What can I get you?”  The bartender asked.

               “Water.”  The man said.  His voice was hoarse and cracked.

               Once he had the glass in his hands the man looked like he wanted to down it all in one gulp.  Instead, he let it trickle past his dry, cracked lips and down his throat.  As soon as he was finished he asked for another glass.

               “Geeze man, you look like you just came out of the desert.”  Said one of the other customers jovially.  He was a large man that like to make friends, or at least to pretend to.  The bartender flashed him and angry look.

               “That’s because I did.”  The man said bluntly between sips of water.  Suddenly, all eyes were on him.

               “Wait, really?  You know I was only joking, right?”  Said the customer.

               “I wasn’t.”  Said the man.

               “What were you doing in the desert?”  Asked the other customer.  This one was an older woman who liked to listen to stories.  The man didn’t respond right away.  He waited to finish his water first.  The bartender filled it while the man started to speak.

               “I’m an ecologist that specializes in desert environments.  I came out here to do my job.  I had everything I needed too.”

               “So what happened?”  Asked the woman.

               “Well, you remember that big sandstorm two weeks or so?”

               “Jesus Christ, you were in that beast?”  The first customer said, more than a little surprised.  That sandstorm had been the biggest in recent memory, so it was no wonder he was surprised.  The man nodded even as he drank another glass.

               “Dear lord man, how are you still alive?”

               “I told you.  I came prepared.  I drove into the desert in a custom Jeep.  Real nice piece of work, it was.  Handled like a dream, even on sand.  Kept me cool in the day and warm at night.  And, as I found out during that storm, great protection against sandstorms.  Not perfect, but it kept me alive.”

               “Wow.  So you just stayed in your car the entire time?”  Said the woman. 

               “Yeah.  Problem was, my car was unusable afterwards.  Hell, it took me a full day just to get out of the thing, there was so much sand blocking the doors.  I couldn’t drive, so I had to walk.  I gathered up a compass, a blanket, and all the food and water I could and set out.”

               “Why a blanket?”  Asked the first customer.

               “Shade in the day, warmth at night, and reasonable protection from the wind.  Didn’t work out as well as I’d hoped, since I lost it four days in.”

               “And you still managed to make it out with so few supplies?”  Asked the second.

               “Mostly.  I mean, I did run out a week or so in.  But I know a few things about deserts.  I know a few tricks that helped me survive there long enough to make it here.”

               “Wow.  That’s something else, man.”  Said the first customer.  “What are you gonna do now though?”

               “Now?  Now I’m going to get some more water, something eat, and then make some calls.”

               “Got some people to call to come get you then?”

               “Yeah.  That, and there’s some people who are going to be very interested in what I’ve seen.”

               “How come?”

               “There aren’t too many people who’ve been in the middle of a large sandstorm and lived.  I know more than a few people who’d be interested in seeing it too.”  He said, pulling out a small SD card in a clear plastic case from his pocket.  The man held onto it like it was made of gold for a bit before speaking.  “Now then, about that meal.”    

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If you're even in the desert for whatever reason, make sure you take precautions.  You never know what can happen in a place like that.