Word: Transmogrify

transmogrify

[trans-mog-ruh-fahy, tranz-]

verb (used with object), transmogrified, transmogrifying.

1. to change in appearance or form, especially strangely or grotesquely; transform.

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               The thing was a metal box around three feet on all sides.  One of them had a sliding panel that revealed it was hollow. Another side was home to a small screen, keyboard, and a few lights.  The other sides were largely unoccupied, save for a few slots for cords. 

                “I call it a transmogrifier.”  Eddie said proudly.  He stood over the box and displayed it like it was a prize on a game show.

                “I don’t think you can call it that.” Jeff said.  “I’m pretty sure it’s already taken.”

                “Oh, I’m sure Calvin won’t mind.  In fact, he’d probably enjoy my version.”

                “I’m not too worried about a cartoon character’s approval.  I’m more concerned about the lawyers that’ll swarm you for copyright infringement.”

                “Eh, whatever.  I’ll deal with them when the time comes.  Anyway, you want to see what it does?”

                “I guess so.  I’m guessing it’s supposed to work like the one in the comics?”

                “Kind of.  The biggest difference is that mine actually works though.”

                “You sure there won’t by any imaginary tigers and worms running around?”

                Eddie shot his friend an annoyed look.  How Jeff could doubt his scientific prowess was beyond Eddie’s understanding.  After all the things he had created, how could there be any doubt that his newest one would be nothing but amazing?

                “Nothing of the sort.” Eddie said.  “Besides, there is one other big difference.  Mine only transforms inorganic compounds into other inorganic compounds.  Nothing living of any kind will be affected by my version.”

                “Ah.  So no changing into giant bugs or dinosaurs?”

                “As much fun as that would be, no.  It’s great for changing a rock into metal, or changing metal into another type, or some such, but that’s it.  I mean, it still has a lot of practical uses, it just can’t be used like in the comics.”

                “Probably better that way. It’d kind of such suddenly becoming a worm or something like that.  Although, I wouldn’t mind being a bird for a while.”

                “Changing species would get real messy real fast.  Trust me, it’s better to stick to inorganics for the real thing.”

                “Yeah, I guess so.  So, are you going to show me what it can do?”

                Eddie smirked and got his test ready.  He took a rock he had picked up outside and placed it into the box.  He turned it on and fiddled with the keyboard for awhile.  He then made the announcement that he would turn the lump of granite into iron.  A few more keystrokes and the machine started buzzing.

                It hummed and whirred for several minutes before coming to an abrupt halt.  Eddie opened the door and stepped back.  A thick, black tar-like substance oozed out and onto the table.  It let off a putrid odor, like burning metal, asphalt and paint mixed into one.

                “Okay, so there’s still some bugs to work out.”  Eddie admitted. 

                “Just a few, huh?”

                “Yeah, a few.  I’m pretty sure I can get them all worked out pretty soon though.”

                “Uh huh.  Good luck with that.  Call me when it actually works, okay?”  

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If you don't know what comics they're talking about, then I weep for you.  I mean, seriously, who doesn't know about Calvin and Hobbes?  And if you've been living under a rock or something similar and are unaware of that particular comic strip, then go read some of it ASAP.  And even if you do know about them, go read some anyway, just because.  

Word: Tohubohu

        

tohubohu

[toh-hoo-boh-hoo]

noun

1. chaos; disorder; confusion.

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          “Now then, today we will be discussing a rather touchy topic.  Chaos.”  Professor Valdin said.  He continued before the class could react to the topic, “Now then, who can tell me about chaos?  What is it exactly?”

                One of the students raised his hands right away.  Professor Valdin acknowledged the student.

                “It’s the force of evil, violence and destruction.”  The young man said.

                “That is incorrect.  Well, perhaps not entirely wrong.  While it can be associated with all violence and destruction, and the forces of evil do seem to gravitate towards chaos, that is not the only thing it represents.  In simple terms, chaos as we are talking about it is the opposite of order.  That means it’s the metaphysical force of change.  It represents progress, conflict, and evolution.  It opposes stagnation and decay, and promotes growth.

                “Without chaos, no living thing would exist.  Chaos is the force that allowed us to evolve in the first place.  It is what allows us to develop as a species.  It is responsible for every single technological and magical advancement since the dawn of time.  It is music, poetry, creativity.”

                Another student raised her hand.  Mr. Valdin liked this class.  They were inquisitive.  They asked questions without his prompting, which led to more in depth lessons.  He just wished all of his classes could be like them. 

                “But you said it’s also conflict.  That means things like war, doesn’t it?”  The girl asked.

                “Yes and no.  Conflict is not just physical battle.  A debate can be a form of conflict.  Trying to finish school work is a form of conflict.  Anything you do that poses a challenge is a form of conflict.  War is definitely a form of conflict, but it’s not the only one.  And, in a grand scale, even war is not all bad.

                “Now, don’t get me wrong, war is, from our point of view, a terrible thing.  It brings confusion, death, disorder, and many other negative things.  But on a grand scale, it has its benefits.  The chaos inherent in war gives humanity a large boost in knowledge and progress.  Have you ever wondered why so many new technologies and magics arise soon after a war has been fought?  That is because war is one of the biggest sources of chaos we as humans can create. 

                “Now, I’m sure you’re asking yourselves about the loss of life that comes from a war.  While that is truly tragic, even that has value.  Think of it in terms of chaos’ primary element: fire.  When fire burns down a forest, is the forest dead?  No.  Everything that was burned down returns to the ground and new life replaces it.  For us, war is the forest fire.  It reduces the population, which means those left have more resources available to them, allowing new life to flourish.  Without war and other such means of death, we humans would choke the planet with sheer numbers.  War should by no means be celebrated, but neither should it be scorned.”

                A few more questions were asked about the benefits of chaos, as well as the opposite.  Prof. Valdin was quite willing to answer the questions as best he could.  In fact, he was almost disappointed when he had to move on to the next pat of the class.

                “Now then, I’m afraid I can’t answer any more questions on this particular subject today.  But if you wish, we can continue tomorrow.  Now don’t be upset.  The reason I’m cutting this short is so we can get to something more interesting.  We’ve talked about chaos, now we move on to chaos magic.”

He heard the scraping of chairs as the entire class moved forward slightly.  Talking about a subject was one thing, but using it in magic was another.  Even the worst students perked up when there was magic involved.

                “Chaos magic is one of the trickiest magics to use  I say tricky, not difficult, because to put it bluntly, chaos magic is one of the easiest magic to use.  Magic itself is a force of change, so chaos magic comes naturally to any mage, regardless of specialties and natures.  What makes it so tricky is it’s unpredictability.  You can tell the magic to follow some rules, but when chaos magic is used, you can never know the exact outcome.  It will tend to be in your favor more often than not, but there’s no guarantee.  The question then becomes why do we bother?  Why learn chaos magic at all?  Any ideas?”

                After a few moments of thought, several hands went up.  Prof. Valdin selected three of them, and called them out one at a time.

                “It can help in battle, since if your opponent can’t figure out what’ll happen, he can’t defend properly.” Said one.

                “It can help with inspiration for art.  You can use chaos illusions and use what you see for a drawing or a story.” The second said.

                “You can use it with sound magic to make music no one’s ever heard before.” Said the third.

                “Very good, all of you.” Prof. Valdin said, nodding his head as he spoke.  “Yes, those are all fine examples of practical applications of chaos magic.  Unpredictability is its greatest strength.  It can sew confusion amongst your enemies, grant your allies great strength, and create great beauty for all five senses depending on what you temper it with.  But, this very quality can also be its biggest drawback.  Who can think of why, using the examples from earlier.” He called on three different students for this one.

                “In battle, it has a greater than normal chance of backfiring.” 

                “An illusion could be a solid color, or something ugly.”

                “Sounds could be too harsh, or inaudible to our ears.”

                “All correct again.  When using chaos magic, you must always be prepared for something to go wrong.  Chaos magic has the greatest chance of failing or backfiring out of any of magic field, and that includes the highly volatile death magic.  It’s easy to use and takes little power, but since you can only tell it what kind of effect you want, it might not be what you need.”  Prof Valdin paused to let his lesson sink in.  It was time for every student’s favorite time in class.  “Now then, who’s ready to give it a try?”

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Who wouldn't want to be in a class like this?  It sounds great.  Might be a bit dangerous, but still.  

Word: Iatrogenic

iatrogenic

[ahy-a-truh-jen-ik, ee-a-]

adjective

1. (of a medical disorder) caused by the diagnosis, manner, or treatment of a physician.

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                Fred groaned and clutched his stomach. The pain was sharp and persistent.  He didn’t know much about the human body, but he at least knew it wasn’t due to any ulcer or something similar, like his doctor had claimed.  It was too wide spread, engulfing his entire stomach. 

                “Damn this stomach.” Fred growled.

                “Oh, what’s wrong now?” Margret asked.  “Please don’t tell me your stomach hurts again.”

                “Well, what else would I be complaining about my stomach for?”

                “I don’t know, maybe you’re hungry?”

                “Oh, trust me, I know hungry, and this is not hungry.”

                “Well, why don’t you take one of those pills?”

                “Those things don’t do anything.  I’d be better off with some aspirin, and even that doesn’t help much.”

                “Alright, you big baby.  I’ll call Dr. Mills.” Margret went to pick up the phone, ready to call their doctor.

                “No!” Fred roared.  “Not him.  He’s the one who did this to me, I just know it.”

                Margaret just looked at him oddly.  They had been going to Dr. Mills for years, and neither of them had any complaints about him.

                “Oh please, there’s no way that’s true.”

                “It is, I know it.  My stomach wasn’t nearly this bad before.  I did everything he told me to, and it’s only gotten worse.  I don’t what it was, but it was something he did.”

                Margaret sighed.  There was little use in arguing with the man.  Once he got something in his head, it was nearly impossible to sway him.

                “Fine, fine.  One of the women from my office knows a stomach specialist that she says is good.  How about seeing him?”

                “Yes, fine, good.  Anyone’s better than Mills.”

                It took Margaret a few minutes to find the correct number in the phone book, mainly because she forgot the proper title for the particular type of doctor she was looking for.  When she finally did reach the office, it was easy to set up an appointment.  She even managed to get one snuck in for the next day.  Fred seemed as happy as he could be, given the circumstances.

                “So, what makes you think Dr. Mills has anything to do with your stomach?” She asked.  “I mean, it hurt before, right?”

                “Not this bad.  It only got worse after I saw him.  He must’ve given me the wrong pills or something.”

                “He might’ve just made a mistake.”

                “That’s just as bad.  Means he can’t do his job right anymore.”

                “Now that’s just not true.  He might be getting on in years, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a good doctor anymore.”

                “Tell that to my stomach.  He did something wrong.  I don’t know whether it was on purpose or not, but he did.  He’s lucky I don’t sue him for malpractice is what he is.”

“I hope you’re joking about that.”   Fred huffed and clutched his stomach.  “We are not suing Dr. Mills for any reason.”

“I never said I was.  I said he’s lucky that I’m not.”

“Well good.”

“I should though.  Now that I think about it, maybe I should start looking into how to do that.”

“No, you won’t.”

“I will.  In fact, I’m going to go call—“

As he spoke, Fred went to stand up.  Before he got very far, he doubled over and clutched his stomach, letting out pained groans as he did.  He sat back down slowly.

“Maybe later.” He said through clenched teeth. 

Margaret was just glad something had stopped him from doing something idiotic.  Once he recovered, she would have to make up some excuse to keep him from doing going through with it though.  Her mind was already hard at work doing just that.

                  *****************************************

Doctors are fine people, no doubt, but they're still people.  Not all of them are perfect, and they can make mistakes just like anyone else.  So if something bad happens and you think it's your doctor's fault, cut him/her some slack, okay?  

Word: Onomatopeia

onomatopoeia

[on-uh-mat-uh-pee-uh, ‐mah-tuh‐]

noun

1. the formation of a word, as cuckoo, meow, honk, or boom, by imitation of a sound made by or associated with its referent.

2. a word so formed.

3. the use of imitative and naturally suggestive words for rhetorical, dramatic, or poetic effect.

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                Liz entered the large studio apartment and wondered if she was in the right place.  The entire place looked completely different.  A large section of the floor had been cleared of furniture, rugs, and everything else that might have been on the floor.  In everything’s place was a set of large white tarps.  One was laying on the ground, and the others had been suspended from either the ceiling, or from some tall metal racks.

                On the tarp was a lot of stuff.  Fruit, both whole and in mashed up pulp, pieces of metal, bits of plastic, crumbled up paper, old electronics, a wide range of toys, bubble wrap, several bells, plastic wrap, and a lot of other things.

                “What…what’s going on in here?” Liz asked.

                A face popped out from behind one of the suspended tarps.  The face was covered with fruit juice and he wore a pair of heavy duty earphones.  The man who’s face it was removed the head gear and looked at Liz.  She repeated the question.

                “Oh this?”  Asked Liz’s boyfriend, Jim.  “This is all sound effects stuff.

                “Sound effects?”

                “Yeah, for the movie I’m working on.”

                “So, what is all this stuff again?”

                “I told you, sound effects.  Computer stuff doesn’t sound right, you know?  So I got all this stuff and I’m experimenting with it.  I see what kind of sound effect I need, and I use all of these things to make it.”

                “That doesn’t sound like a very good idea.  Where’d you get it?”

                “You mean you don’t know?  This is how it’s done.  Or at least how it was done.  The pros used to make sound effects like this all the time.  It was how it was done before they started using computers.  I figure I can bring it back.”

                “You know, there’s probably a reason why the movie industry switched to computers.  It’s a lot less messy.”

                “”Oh, I’ll clean it up, I promise.  Now get changed and come help me.  There are some things I want to try, but I need another set of hands.”

                “I’m not sure—“

                “Come on, it’s fun.  I promise.  When else can you play with play-do and bubble wrap and call it work?”

                “Well, I do like bubble wrap…Okay, fine.  I’ll be right there.”

                Liz went to change out of her work clothes and into more disposable attire.  When she got to Jim’s make shift sound studio, he was watching his home made movie on a computer.  The sound was off, and he looked like he was playing the same scene over and over again.

                “So, what should I do?” She asked.

                “Okay, so in this scene, Paul’s character listening to a storm that’s happening outside. His shelter isn’t very strong either, since he threw it together himself. So I need something that sounds like wind and rain and stuff pounding against a thin metal wall.”

                “Isn’t there something like that on a computer?”

                “I guess.  But this is way more fun, trust me.  Here, hold this.”

                Jim held out a large sheet of thin metal that looked like it had been peeled off a trailer.  He rummaged through his pile of odds and ends  and came out with a wind-up toy with spinning arms and legs.  He wound it up and let it beat against the metal.  The rapid, tinny whump sound was clearly not what he wanted.

                He pulled out many more objects, trying all kinds of combinations, and was never satisfied with the sound it produced.  He asked her to try waving the metal around a little bit.  While she did so, he pulled out a bunch of plastic wrap and crinkled it up.  He took a piece in each hand and rubbed them together.  Then he had he wave the metal around slower, then faster.  He adjusted the speed both of them handled their respective props until he was satisfied. 

                He hit a button on the computer to start the recording process.  Then he placed it back.  It did indeed sound like rain hitting a thin metal wall.  

                “Okay, yeah, not too bad.” Liz admitted.  “So, we do this for every sound effect in the movie?”

                “Yup.  Don’t worry; I’ve already done a bunch.  Everything I could do on my own, I already did.  I just need your help for the more complex sounds.  Like this one.  Someone has to walk through mud, but it’s really sticky mud.  You know, the kind that really sticks to your feet.  I’ll need you to get some water.  I’ll get the play-do out.  Pour some water on it, then we’ll walk through it.”

                That did sound oddly compelling.  When she got back, Jim had two large pots filled with the child’s toy.  Liz poured water and helped him mix it up.  She stepped in one and he in another.  Then they started walking in place.  The squishy squeltching noise was oddly amusing, and Liz had a hard time keeping herself from laughing. 

                “Okay, I think that’s a good one.”  Jim said.  He played back the resulting sound and was immediately satisfied with it.

                Liz watched Jim furiously searching for the next sound effect to make.  While she watched him working, she couldn’t help start to laugh.  She understood the appeal of not using a computer to do some things. 

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This is actually how old movie sound designers worked.  Really, look it up.  Before everything was recorded on computers, people had to come up with some pretty interesting things.  I mean, they still do, but it's just done much differently.