mal du pays
noun French.
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Zack looked out the window and fingered his necklace. He felt wrong somehow. He knew everything was fine, and there was nothing to worry about, but he still felt wrong. Something deep inside of him did not want to be there.
“Something wrong?”
Zack nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden interruption of his thoughts. He twisted until he found the speaker. His friend, Heather stood on what was for him the ceiling. Of course, since there was no gravity, for her, it was the other way around.
“Just…just thinking.” He said once his heart calmed down.
“Oh, that’s a dangerous pastime, you might want to look into something else.” She said with a playful smirk. She reached up, down for her, and grabbed the loop her foot was slipped in. She used it to swing down and plant her feet on the same surface as his. “But seriously, what’s up? You look…you look off.”
“I don’t know.” Zack said, facing the window again. “I just feel wrong somehow.”
Heather glanced at his hands. He was rubbing the necklace again. She let out a quick chuckle. “Oh, I get it.” She said.
“Get what?”
“You’re homesick.”
“What? No I’m not.” He was not sure he believed his own declaration.
“Yes you are. You totally are. Why else would you be paying with your jar of dirt?”
“What?” Zack had not been aware he was touching the necklace. He quickly lowered his hands.
“Man, I don’t get it. Why bring a thimbleful of dirt with you? It’s not enough to do anything.”
“I guess…I guess I just wanted something to remind me of home. Something other than holovids and still images. Something real. Something I can feel. And what better than a piece of the planet itself?”
“And now it’s backfiring, isn’t it?”
He looked at her and sighed. Then he reluctantly nodded. She was right. He was homesick. Very homesick. He hated to admit it, but traveling through the cold void of space to a new colony world was making him remember Earth. And part of him wanted to go back.
“I know I can’t go back, not after giving everything up to leave.” He said slowly. “But now that I’m actually here, now that it’s actually happening, I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake. If I should just get on the next return ship when we finally do arrive, you know?”
Heather placed an arm around his shoulder. “Hey, don’t be like that. That’s quitter speak. Are you a quitter, Zack?”
“Uh, sometimes.”
“Well not here. Not now. Maybe someday you can go back, but only for a visit. You know, a vacation. We’re going to do great things once we get to the colony. We’re going to make it, and it’ll be way more of a home to us than Earth ever was. Next time you see that place, you’ll be wearing a tiny jar of colony dirt around your neck.”
Zack nodded. He wanted to ask her how she could be so excited about this. How she got over the feeling of homesickness herself, or if she ever felt it. How she could be so confident of their success. But he asked none of those questions. He simply looked out the windows at the streaks of light that were the stars and thought. He was still homesick. Terribly homesick. But that would pass. Heather was right. They would make new homes for themselves. New lives. And everything would be great.
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I guess homesickness isn't something a lot of people are experiencing now, is it? What with all the travel restrictions and most things being closed and all that. Maybe once people can start traveling again it'll be something people need to think about again.
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