alma mater
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Kevin tried to make himself invisible, with no success. Then he tried walking slowly. Again, with no success. Walking faster had some success, but not nearly enough for his tastes. Finally, he used his weapon of last resort.
“Dad, do you think you can maybe give me some space here?” He asked.
Dad stopped talking and looked surprised at the question. “Some space? What do you mean? I’m giving you plenty of space. There’s at least five feet between us now.”
Kevin groaned. “Really, Dad? Do you have to do this now?”
“Yes. Yes I do.” Dad said much too happily for Kevin’s taste.
“Dad, listen, I know you’re happy about me going here, but you really need to tone things down a bit, okay?”
“What? What am I doing? I’m just showing my son around my old alma mater. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Yeah, but maybe you could be a little less...enthusiastic about it? I’d like it if people didn’t think of me as the guy with the weird dad, you know?”
“Oh, that’s not going to happen. Everyone is here with their parents. Nobody will care that you’re here with your old man.”
“Yeah, but most of the parents here aren’t trying to give a guided tour.”
Dad could not really argue with that. Most parents were helping their kids unpack, or taking them out for lunch. None of them were practically shouting out what each building was, and then trying to regale their child with tales of past glories. Or, at least as close to glories as anyone ever got at a small-time college without any real sports teams. And none of them were wearing ill-fitting college shirts.
“Hey now, I’d say it’s a good thing I’m doing this. You’ll be much more informed about this college’s fine history.”
“History? Dad, you were the first generation to come here. It’s not even fifty years old.”
“History is history, even if it’s not very long. Now come on, let me show you were I won a game of hacky-sac by launching the bag over a tree. I bet the tree’s a lot bigger now, so that’s probably not going to happen again.”
Kevin groaned and trudged after his dad. He just wanted a nice, normal college life. A life free of parents with an outdated sense of humor. Make some friends, maybe get a girlfriend. Just as long as his dad was not involved, he would be happy.
Suddenly, the older man stopped. He pointed and yelled happily. Kevin immediately saw why. Another man wearing a faded, poorly fitting college shirt. The two men did not seem to know each other, but that also did not seem to matter. They were immediately laughing and joking like old friends.
Kevin slumped and tried, once again, to make himself seem invisible. Then he saw the other man’s kid. He immediately straightened up and slowly went to talk with the very, very pretty girl who looked just as embarrassed as Kevin was.
“Hey, uh, sorry about my dad.” Kevin said.
“Yeah, me too.” The girl said. “I tried to get my mom to come, but…”
“Your dad insisted because of some weird sense of school pride?”
“Yup.”
“He tried showing you some random place where he did something he thinks was cool?” Kevin asked.
“Several times. Way too many times.”
“I’m Kevin, by the way.” He said, holding out his hand.
“Sarah. Nice to know I’m not the only one in this situation.”
“May neither of us be known for our parents.”
“Amen.”
“Hey, uh, you want to ditch the dads and go actually explore the campus?” Kevin almost held his breath as he waited for the response, which came almost immediately.
“Oh god yes. I don’t think I could take another minute of listening to him talk about something that happened thirty years ago.”
The two headed off, bonding over their shared parental embarrassment. By the time they finally had to part ways, Kevin had a new number in his phone, and a new friend that he hoped would turn into more. Maybe bringing his dad along had not been such a bad thing after all.
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I didn't much care when my parents visited me in college. Of course, I was pretty much a social recluse and they never did any too embarrassing, so it was all good.
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