lapidify
verb (used with or without object)
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Ted was barely paying attention to the tour guide. He was not even sure why he paid for the thing. He would much rather have made his own way through the museum. Well, he would rather not have gone in the first place, but he felt a bit obligated to at least try. He was on vacation, and when on vacation going to museums was just one of the things one did.
For some reason he had let himself get talked into going on the tour even before he had gone on vacation, singing up for it weeks prior. Which meant now he was obligated to actually go. And it was awful. The tour guide was dull and spoke like he was just reciting the information off a script. Plus, he did not even give them a chance to really appreciate the art. Not that Ted had a great appreciation for art to begin with.
“We come now to one of the museum’s crowning pieces.” The guide droned. “This statue is called The War Goddess. The artist is unknown, as is the subject.”
The statue in question was oddly lifelike. Moreso than any statue Ted had seen before. It depicted a woman, beautiful and built like a swimsuit model combined with a CrossFit athlete. She wore armor that was built for use, not for ornamentation, and held a sword and shield made for the same purpose.
As he looked at the statue. Ted felt something. It felt like someone poking his thoughts.
Are you to be my new master?
The words nearly made Ted jump and scream. He was almost surprised he did not. The words were heard in his mind, and clearly came from a woman. He looked around furiously, aiming to see if anyone else was reacting to the voice. But no, nobody else was acting differently. In fact, the guide was moving on.
Speak with your mind, and I shall hear it. The voice said.
Ted closed his eyes and thought. Who are you?
I am Arlise, Shieldmaiden of Ventaire. Are you he who shall be my new master?
Shieldmaiden? A sudden thought came to his mind. Are you the statue?
I would appear to be a statue to your eyes, yes.
Ted went closer to the statue and walked around it. He could not see anything unusual about it, save for the realism worked into the stone.
I have no idea what’s going on. Are you…are you alive? He asked.
I am. I would think that would be obvious.
Not really. What the hell is going on?
If the voice was coming from outside, he would think that he was being pranked. But the voice, her voice, was clearly coming from his mind. Was he going crazy?
I do not know how long ago it was, but I served under the great king of Ventaire. I protected him from any threat that could be rendered by arms. Alongside the wizard Devin, we kept the king safe. But when my master’s life ended, our duty was not finished. We both knew that our power would be needed again. So, until we found a new master worthy of our service, Devin cast a spell that would allow us to turn our bodies to stone and our minds to rest until we felt one we could serve. My mind woke in your presence. As such, I believe you can be my new master.
As she “spoke,” Ted moved to a nearby bench and sat down. Hearing all this did not help his thoughts about his mental state. A country he had never heard of. Wizards and magic. It made no sense.
So you can, what, turn back into a normal woman and back into stone whenever you want?
That is so. I have not tested this power in battle, but I can imagine its use there. I shall turn back now.
No, wait! Uh, you said your mind was sleeping. Can you see and hear now?
I cannot. Nor do I know how long I was sleeping.
Well it’s probably been a while, since I’ve never heard of this Ventaire. I mean, I’m not a history expert, but still. Also, do you know what a museum is?
I do not.
Well, it’s a place for art to be displayed. This particular kind of museum is for old and rare art.
I am…art? Her mental voice sounded quite happy with that.
Yeah. And I don’t think one of the place’s works turning into a person and walking away would be taken too well.
Yes, I can understand that. Art has always been something to be prized. Very well, I shall wait.
Also…
Yes?
I’m not sure you want me
to be your master.
Oh? Why would you say that?
Ted signed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. First of all, you said you’re some kind of bodyguard, right? Well, I don’t really need guarding. My life is too boring for that. I don’t have any enemies. Just people who don’t like me much. And even if I did have enemies, they wouldn’t be the kind of people to threaten me physically. Beyond that, I live in a peaceful place. While there are still wars and stuff, I don’t live anywhere with armed conflict going on. You wouldn’t have anything to do.
He hesitated before going on. Also, I’m just…I’m just not much of a person. Not worthy of someone who used to protect a king. I’m just a normal guy with a normal life. I’m a nobody. A loser who can barely hold down a crappy job and live in a run down apartment that isn’t worth even half of what I pay in rent. You don’t want anything to do with me.
Arlise was silent for a moment. He wondered if his mind was just done messing with him. Then he heard her again.
I do not believe that is the case. Had you truly been such a low person, I would not have woken. Your life may not be as grand as a king, but I believe there is more to you than even you realize.
You think so, huh?
I do, yes.
Ted leaned back as much as he could in the backless bench. Fine. How about this. We do this as a trial run. I’m on vacation. A trip to another country, if you didn’t know. If you can get out of the museum on your own, do so after it closes. I’ll come by a few minutes before the place closes. You can get a bit of a preview of what my life is like until my vacation ends. If you still think I’m worthy, you can come home with me. If you find that I’m not, which I’m pretty sure you will, you come back, turn back into a statue, and go to sleep until someone better comes along. How’s that sound?
That…will be acceptable.
Great. I’m going to go now. I have other things I want to do today. Plus, I still need time to process this. I’ll come back before the museum closes and let you know, then you can leave on your own.
Very well. I shall await your return.
Ted stood and headed off. He did not rejoin the tour. He had other things to deal with. Like whether or not he had actually meant some kind of ancient warrior woman, or if he was going crazy. And if he was actually going to show up. He probably would. At the very least, he could see more of the museum on his own terms. And maybe he was not going crazy. Maybe this was something interesting finally happening in his life.
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