Astroturfing
[as-truh-turf-ing]
1. the act or process of installing Astroturf on a surface.
2.(usually lowercase) the deceptive tactic of simulating grassroots support for a product, cause, etc., undertaken by people or organizations with an interest in shaping public opinion:
In some countries astroturfing is banned, and this includes sponsored blog posts.
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An increasing amount of neighbors were gathering around the suburban home. They were all watching
the owner working in his yard. The onlookers muttered in mixtures of confusion and amusement.
the owner working in his yard. The onlookers muttered in mixtures of confusion and amusement.
The owner huffed and puffed as he worked a shovel into the ground. He tore up an chunk of grass
and tossed it into an ever growing pile of dirt and grass. He was covered with sweat and dirt, and his
brow was furrowed with determination.
and tossed it into an ever growing pile of dirt and grass. He was covered with sweat and dirt, and his
brow was furrowed with determination.
One of the onlookers went forward and asked the question every member of the crowd was thinking.
“Hey, Bob. What, uh, what’re you doing there?”
“What’s it look like I’m doing, Phil?” Bob said through clenched teeth.
“It looks like you’re tearing up your lawn.”
“Exactly.” He threw another load of grass onto the pile.
“Why?”
Bob took a deep breath and resumed his work. “Astroturf.” He said.
“What about it?”
“I’m converting my entire yard into astroturf. Good, clean, constant astroturf.”
Several members of the crowd looked at each other in confusion. Why would someone turn a
perfectly good lawn into something artificial like that?
perfectly good lawn into something artificial like that?
“Why?”
“Because astroturf is so much better than grass. It’s cleaner, it’s easier. You don’t have to water it.
You don’t have to cut it. You don’t have to worry about it dieing and reseeding it. Much better.”
You don’t have to cut it. You don’t have to worry about it dieing and reseeding it. Much better.”
Phil thought about Bob’s words for a bit. “So, you’re turning your lawn into plastic because you don’t
want to do yard work anymore?”
want to do yard work anymore?”
Bob finally stopped shoveling. He stuck the tip of his shovel into the bare dirt of his yard and leaned
on it, breathing hard. “That’s about the long and short of it, yeah. I mean, come on. I do the work now
and I’ll never have to mow the damn lawn again. No more having to bother with sprinklers. No more
thinking about what kind of seed to buy when something eats it. No more pulling out dandelions. All
thanks to good, consistent astroturf.”
on it, breathing hard. “That’s about the long and short of it, yeah. I mean, come on. I do the work now
and I’ll never have to mow the damn lawn again. No more having to bother with sprinklers. No more
thinking about what kind of seed to buy when something eats it. No more pulling out dandelions. All
thanks to good, consistent astroturf.”
“But it’s so...so sterile.”
“That’s the point, isn’t it? Thanks to astroturf, I won’t ever have to worry about the chaos and
unpredictability of grass. There’s so much that could go wrong with grass, none of while
applies to what I’m putting down.”
unpredictability of grass. There’s so much that could go wrong with grass, none of while
applies to what I’m putting down.”
“But isn’t it expensive?”
“Maybe up front. But think about it. No more buying oil and gas for a mower. No more buying
grass seed and weed killer. It’ll save tons over the years. There’s no downside.”
grass seed and weed killer. It’ll save tons over the years. There’s no downside.”
The other members of the neighborhood muttered to themselves. Some of them thought
Bob was crazy. Others were actually thinking he had a point.
Bob was crazy. Others were actually thinking he had a point.
“Okay.” Phil said skeptically. “If that’s what you want to do, then more power to you. I just want
to know one more thing.”
to know one more thing.”
“What is it?” Bob asked. He took up his shovel once again and resumed removing his hated
grass.
grass.
“Why are you doing this all yourself? Why not hire some people to do it for you?”
Bob froze in the middle of burying his shovel in the dirt. He blinked a few times. “You know,
I’m not really sure.”
I’m not really sure.”
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I'd never be able to do this. It seems like a lot of work for relatively little payoff. Plus, I think the real thing looks better than the fake stuff.
