Word: Alacrity

alacrity

[uh-lak-ri-tee]

noun

cheerful readiness, promptness, or willingness: We accepted the invitation with alacrity.

liveliness; briskness.

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              Sam and Mark stood near the water cooler and watched the new hire, Rachel, go about her job.  The young woman moved quickly and with a smile constantly plastered to her face.

               “How do you think she does it?” Sam asked, watching her dash around the halls with papers held under both her arms.

               “Do what?” Mark replied.

               “Smile like that.  It’s like she actually enjoys working here.”

               “So?”

               “So nobody likes working here.  Everyone here just does it for the paycheck.  And yet, here she is, smiling and running around.”

               Mark shrugged and took a sip of the small paper cup of water.  A few other coworkers trudged through the halls with far less enthusiasm than Rachel had shown.  All of them wore dull, vacant looks on their faces.

               “See?  See those guys?  They get it.” Sam said.  “Honestly, I’d say she’s making the rest of us look bad, but I don’t think our bosses care all that much.”

               “Meh.  It’s fine, even if she does start making us look bad.”  Mark said.  “She’s the office brown noser, you know.”

               “You say that like it’s a good thing.” Sam gulped down his cup and immediately refilled it.

               “It is.  Look, every office needs a good brown noser.  It’s vital for a stable, productive office.”

               “Explain.”

               “A good brown noser will do anything to make the boss happy.  They’ll do the jobs nobody else wants to, finish all the projects nobody else cares about, and just generally get the work done.  And they’ll do it quickly and with a smile on their face.  Eventually, the boss will catch on and start trying to get everyone else to do the same thing.  They won’t, of course.  That’s impossible.  But a few people might actually try and work a bit harder, if only to keep themselves out of hot water.  I’d say after a few weeks of Rachel being here, overall office productivity will go up.”

               “Huh.  Why do they do it though?”

               “Do you really need to ask?  It’s in the name.  They do it to suck up to the boss with the hopes of moving up on the corporate ladder.  It’s not that she cares about the job, she just has to act like she does.  Eventually, she’ll get promoted because of all this, and the cycle will continue.”

               Rachel dashed by, almost bumping into a group of slower employees. 

               “Think so?”

               “Oh yeah, definitely.  I’ve seen it happen before.  Hell, I was once an office brown noser when I was younger.  Got me pretty far, then the company went bankrupt and I just couldn’t muster up the energy to do it all again.”

               “Huh.  Maybe I should try being a brown noser.  Can’t be that hard.  Just smile and run around.”

               “Nah.  That’s a terrible idea.”

               “Why?”
               “One brown noser is good.  It ups production all around.  Two is manageable, but barely.  Any more than that, and everything starts collapsing.  Thing is, one can be ignored most of the time. Get another one, and people start thinking they’ll do better if they imitate the brown noser, and that can only lead to chaos.”

               “Huh.”

               “It’s why my last job went under.  Too many brown nosers.  There wasn’t enough work for them all to do their thing properly.  They all tried to one up the others, and things spiraled out of control real fast.  Trust me, stick with what you know.  Leave the sucking up to the new girl and everything’ll be fine.”

               Sam shrugged and nodded.  He did not care enough to try and act so cheerful and energetic anyway.  He polished off his glass and turned to the clock.

               “Right, well, breaks over.  See you later.”

               Mark nodded and headed back to work.  After all, they still had to do their jobs, whether they liked them or not.

**************************************

Let it be known that I am not the office suck up.  Never have been, and probably never will be.  I just haven't really cared all that much about any of the jobs I've had.  I know it's bad of me to say, but it's the truth.  

Word: Multiverse

multiverse

[muhl-ti-vurs]

noun

(in physics and cosmology) a hypothetical collection of identical or diverse universes, including our own.

*********************

               Adam looked around.  The diner’s decor was simple, yet comfortable.  The tables and booths were all clean and in good condition, a few photos of a group of people in various places hung above the bar.  Cakes and pies were lined up under clear glass coverings at regular intervals, begging to be eaten.  All in all, it was a fine example of a diner.  And Adam had no idea how he had gotten there. 

               He had been walking through the city on his way to lunch, minding his own business, when all of a sudden, he was standing inside a diner.  What was really eerie about it was that he was completely alone.  Every table was devoid of patrons, and no employees could be seen.

               “Hello?” He called into the empty diner. 

               He got no response.  He turned to the door, ready to leave and find a more normal eatery, but thought better of it.  He was hungry, and he was in a place to get food.  Mysterious circumstances aside, he figured he might as well give it a try.  He sat down at a booth and waited, passing the time by looking out the large window adjacent to his chosen seat.  It showed a pleasant field filled with grass and flowers of all colors.  It was beautiful to see, but also not the kind of place one finds a diner.  His musings on the view were cut short.

               “Hello, sir.” Came a peppy voice. 

Adam turned quickly to see a smiling, very pretty young woman standing at the end of the booth.  She must have been his waitress.  He was not sure if he had been too distracted to hear her arrival, or if there was another explanation for her sudden appearance.

“Welcome to the Multiverse Diner.” She continued.  “May I take your order?”

               Adam had so many questions, but he only asked the most pressing one.  “Can I see a menu before I order?”

               “Oh, no need for menus here, sir.  Let me guess, this is your first time here?”

               “Uh, yeah, you could say that.”  The fact that he still had no idea where “here” was, was better left unsaid. 

               “Well, sir, you’re in luck.  We have the best food in all of existence.  Literally, all of existence.  And you can order whatever you want.  No restrictions, no limits.  If you can think it, we can make it.”

               “What?  That makes absolutely no sense.”  It was only after the words had been said that he remembered that he still had no idea how he had gotten to the diner in the first place.  The waitress chuckled briefly.

               “Oh, I understand your confusion, sir.  But remember, this is the Multiverse Diner.  We have access to every time period of every timeline of every universe there is.  Literally all of existence is open to this diner.  So if you want it, we have it without limit.”

               Adam was no very curious, and decided to test this so called limitless menu.  “Okay, then how about a T-rex burger and fries?”

               “Well, if that’s what you want.” The waitress said slowly.

               “Something wrong?”

               “Personally, I wouldn’t go for T-rex.  It’s tough and stringy.  Now, some people like that, but me?  I prefer stegosaurus.  Very tender, with a slightly fruity quality.  Of course, if you’re looking for a dinosaur with a more normal taste, I’d recommend velociraptor or ankylosaurus.  The former tastes a lot like chicken, but stronger, and the latter tastes like a beef and pork mixture, if you can believe that.”

               “Oh.  I see.  Uh, I’ll keep that in mind for later, but I’d like to stick with my order, if it’s all the same to you.”

               The waitress shrugged.  “Suit yourself.  And to drink?”

               “How about some ambrosia.”

               “Oh, an excellent choice on that one, sir.  Very high quality.  I’ll be right back with that.”

               She did indeed come back quickly with a cup of a thick, golden liquid that smelled of flowers and honey.  She smiled cheerfully and went behind the counter, disappearing behind a set of swinging double doors.  While he waited for his food, Adam tasted the beverage.  It was by far the best thing he had ever drank.  Sweet, savory, and every other flavor there was all blended into perfect harmony.  He savored every drop until his burger came.

               He bit into it and found the waitress had been correct.  The meat was tough and stringy, even after being ground into a patty.  It also did not taste like any meat he had ever had.  He was not even sure what he could compare it to.  Definitely not any of the meats he had ever had, certainly.  Despite the difficulty eating it, it was a satisfying meal, and the fries were perfectly prepared.  The waitress only returned after he had finished.

               “How was everything?” She asked while clearing the plate.

               “Everything was good, thanks.”

               “Excellent.  I’ll be right back with the check.  Oh, and don’t worry, we take every currency in existence, so don’t worry about it.”

               Adam was getting more and more curious about the diner.  He had definitely never had a meal like that before, and he wondered if he really had eaten T-rex meat.  He would have to find out if the diner really did extend to every reality.  And he knew just how to do it.

               When the waitress came back and handed him the check, he asked his questions.

               “Say, uh, when it’s time to leave, do I just go out the door like normal?”

               “Oh, yes, sir.  You’ll come out exactly when and where you were when you came here, so you don’t need to worry about a thing.”

               “I see.  And what if I didn’t want to go back there?  Could I exit at a different time?  Or a different universe even?”

               “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but that’s not possible.” She said.  Adam thought he saw a grim expression flash on her face, but he could not be sure.  “That feature of the Multiverse Diner is only available to employees.  Patrons will have to exit at the time and place they entered.”

               “I see.  In that case, I have one more question for you?”

               “What’s that, sir?”

               “Are you hiring?”    

*******************************************

I'd like to visit this place someday.  I'd probably order a dragon steak though.  I'd like to try dragon meat.  It seems like it'd be good.  

Word: Knackered

knackered

[nak-erd]

adjective British Slang.

exhausted; very tired: He is really knackered after work.

********************************

               Julie and Adam trudged into their apartment, groaning and dragging their feet.  Julie managed to make her way to the couch, where she collapsed into the cushions.  Adam did not wait, and simply lay on the floor the moment the door was shut behind them.  He did not care that it had not been cleaning in weeks, simply enjoying the fact that he was not standing.

               “Why did we agree to do that?” Julie asked.  Her voice cracked and some part of her was amazed she had mustered enough energy to say anything.

               “Because we’re stupid.” Adam said, tilting his head just enough that he could speak out of the corner of his mouth.

               Julie wanted to protest, but she lacked the energy to do so.  Instead, she simply grunted in such a way that offered only partial agreement.  Once that was said, neither attempted to speak for several minutes.  Instead, they simply reveled in immobility, however temporary it might be. 

               “Seriously, three days.” Julie muttered.  “What were we thinking?  And why would anyone want to stay awake for three days straight?”

               “I stand by my previous statement.”

               “We didn’t have to go, did we?”

               “No, but we did.”

               More silence followed.  “Why?”

               “You asked that, and I answered.”

               “Oh yeah.  Should we get into bed or something?”

               Adam tilted his head from side to side, considering Julie’s suggestion.  “Bed would be nice, yes.  But then again, it requires that we move.”

               “Good point.  Are you at least going to get off the floor?”

               Adam gave his best attempt at a shrug.  Julie felt that to be a perfectly acceptable answer.  She also made no attempt to convince him to leave his faux-linoleum resting place.  She was even wondering how she had summoned the energy to make it as far as she had. 

               “Hey, Julie?” Adam said.

               “Yeah?”

               “If we ever get invited to another thing like this again, you know what to do, right?”

               “I have a few ideas.  Most of them involve horrible violence against whoever asks us to go.”

               “Good girl.”

               The room was filled with the sound of breathing that slowly grew louder.  Julie leaned back as far as she dared, allowing her to just barely see Adam.  His face was tilted to one side and his eyes were closed.  If it wasn’t for his rhythmic breathing, she would have feared the worst.  As it was, she simply envied his ability to fall asleep in the most uncomfortable positions possible.  He would be paying for it with a stiff neck when he woke up, but for now, he was lost in blissful sleep.  Julie pulled her legs up onto the couch and positioned herself so that she was as comfortable as possible.  Considering the couch was too small, that was difficult.  But once she was laying down, she did not care as much. 

               “Good night Adam.  Let’s never do this again.” She said.

               She closed her eyes, and the sound of gentle snoring soon filled the air.

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Sleep is good.  If done properly, it makes you less tired afterwards.  I always seem to miss that "properly" thing though.  Yeah, I'm not much of a morning person, especially since I don't drink coffee.