Word: Curmudgeon

 

curmudgeon

[ ker-muhj-uhn ]

noun. a bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous person

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               Ted watched the kids playing from the front window. They were on the street, and he could not quite tell what they were doing. The group had yet to encroach on his property, but he could tell they were going to. And he would be there, making sure they did not get far.

               “What are you doing?”

               The question nearly made Ted jump out of his skin. He turned to see his wife, Amy, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

               “I’m watching the neighborhood kids. They’re up to something, I can tell. They’re waiting for their chance to do who knows what with my yard, and I’m going to make sure they don’t.”

               Amy peered over his shoulder, watching the youngsters run around.

               “Looks like they’re playing to me. They probably shouldn’t be playing on the road, but that’s about all I can see they’re doing wrong.”

               Ted huffed. “Yeah, well, that’s only right now. I bet they start invading the yard any moment now.”

               Amy slapped him lightly on the shoulder. “Don’t do that, Ted. You’re not old enough to be acting like this.”

               “Like what? A man concerned that his property will be vandalized by a gang? There’s no age limit on that.”

               “A gang? Really? The oldest of them is ten. And that’s not what I mean. Stop acting like a bitter old curmudgeon. You’re not even 50 yet. You don’t get to go screaming at kids to get off your property.”

               Ted turned to look at Amy. She stood there with arms crossed and a look that was equal parts annoyed and amused.

               “That is not what I’m doing, Amy.” He said. “I just want to make sure our house is safe, that’s all.”

               “From what?” She looked out at the playing children. “A foam football?” She continued, seeing one of them throwing said toy.

               “No.” Ted said quickly. “It’s everything we don’t see that worries me.”

               “Ted, step away from the window.”

               “But, Amy—”

               “Now. Stand up, walk away from the window. We’re going to go and sit on the couch and watch something that isn’t the news.”

               Ted stood, but he did not move from his spot. “And what if I don’t want to? What if I want to stay here and make sure those kids stay away?”

               Amy firmed her stance. To Ted, it almost looked like she grew a few inches, even if no such change had happened.

               “Is that really something you want to risk?” She said.

               The two stood their ground and looked at each other for several seconds. Ted’s shoulders slumped.

               “Fine. But if I hear anything hitting the house, there’ll be hell to pay.”

               “I’m sure. Now come on. We’ll watch a dumb comedy or something. No news though. That’s probably what started all this.”

               Amy moved next to her husband and placed an arm on his back, gently guiding him towards the living room. Ted kept glancing back at the front window. Each time, he saw the kids staying on the road. It was only when they could no longer see the window that he seemed to finally give up. Amy sat him down and started the process of calming her far too young curmudgeon down. 

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What? Kids still play outside, stop saying they don't. Just because the form of the games have changed doesn't mean play isn't happening. 

Word: Sanguivorous

 

sanguivorous

[ sang-gwiv-er-uhs ]

adjective

1. feeding on blood, as a bat or insect.

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               The walk back to his apartment was taking Vic way too long. It was all thanks to one woman who seemed to think she owned the sidewalk. She was doing something on her phone, waving it around while walking at a snail’s pace. If there was enough room to pass her, he would have done so several blocks ago. As it was, he had no choice but to walk at an even slower rate behind her.

               He pulled out his phone to text his girlfriend, Mary, that he would be late. Not that she would notice. She had not left her place in days. Him showing up after dark likely would not help much with that. Well, either she would forgive him or not. He had to admit that he angry face would be just as cute as her happy face, so at least it would not be all bad.

               Right as Vic was about to start typing his message, someone grabbed him. The hands that latched onto him were fairly small, but distressingly strong, and they pulled him into a nearby ally. It felt like he was being yanked by a steel pully instead of two arms. The person pressed him against a wall and he felt hot breath on the back of his neck.

               “I know what you were going to do.” Said a woman’s voice. Vic’s brow wrinkled in confusion. He knew that voice. Very well, in fact. But there was no way that it could be her, right? “I saw you following that woman. Don’t try and deny your intent. Now I’m going to make sure you can’t do anything at all.”

               “Mary, what in the world are you doing?” He asked.

               The person holding him paused. “Vic?”

               He felt the pressure release, followed by the grip holding him in place. He turned and saw just who he thought it was. Mary looked up at him and her eyes widened.

               “Ohmygod! I…I’m sorry! I didn’t realize it was you!” She said quickly.

               “Why would that matter? What are you doing here? And how did you pull me like that…And what are you wearing?”

               For some reason, Mary was wearing an outfit made of tight leather. It was not particularly flattering to her petite figure. Mary’s soft, round face turned a bright red at the mention of her outfit.

               “Well, I uh…” She said nervously, shuffling from foot to foot. “I guess I should tell you. I…I’m kind of a vampire now.”

               Vic blinked. “A vampire.”

               “Yup. See?” She opened her mouth wide, showing the large, viciously pointed canine teeth, two on each half of her jaw. “So yeah, Since I’m a vampire now, I was trying to do the whole vampire vigilante thing, you know? Stalking the shadows and saving victims before they even knew they were in danger.” She hung her head and slumped her shoulders. “I guess I messed that up, didn’t I?”

               “Maybe a little.” Vic said. He leaned against the wall and worked to process what he was being told. He still did not quite believe it, and his mind tried to piece a more logical solution together. Until he did, he would go along with it. “So, black leather, huh?”

               “Well, yeah. It’s either that or some kind of gothic lolita dress. And with my figure? That would just cause all kinds of problems.”

               “Oh come on, it’s not like you look like a child. You might be a bit on the short side, but you’d definitely an adult.”

               Mary never really believed him when he told her that, and this time seemed to be no different. Vic shrugged and kept going.

               “Nevermind. So, when did this whole vampire thing happen?”

               “You remember when I donated blood last week and came home all grumpy and weird?” He did. “Well, turns out that blood bank was run by vampires. It looked like they just drank their fill and mind wiped everyone, but somehow I got turned instead. I don’t know how that happened, and when I went back the next night, they had already left. Which left me as a newly turned vampire with no clue about what I can and can’t do. I do know I can’t go out during the day, I know I need blood, and I know I’m crazy strong and fast. But other than that? No idea.”

               “And you know you need blood because…”

               “Uh…I might’ve…eaten…someone…already.” She said, each word coming with a larger pause. “I-it was a mugger, I swear! He was walking and he pulled a gun and I acted, and the blood was super yummy and…I’m pretty sure he’s alive? And not a vampire.”

               Vic sighed. “Okay, okay. Don’t worry about it.” He went over to her and placed a hand on her head. She yelped and told him not to, but she made no move to actually stop him. It was one of the things she complained about, but actually liked. “Come on, let’s go to your place. You can change into something you actually like and then tell me all about your new vampire powers.”

               “I’d like that.” She said, slightly leaning into his hand that was still on her head. “No really, this outfit sucks. It doesn’t breathe at all, and pinches in places I really don’t want to think about. How people can wear this kind of thing regularly is beyond me.”

               The two set off into the night. Vic placed an arm around her shoulder and walked in step with her. All the while, his mind was racing at the though of his sweet, cute little girlfriend being a dark and brooding predator of the night. He grinned at the ridiculous thought. At the very least, having a vampire girlfriend would certainly be interesting.

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With a word like this at this time of year, how could I not do something with vampires? It's like, some kind of unwritten rule or something. Anyway, have a happy Halloween! I hope you all got yourselves some great costumes and that, when the day comes, you get plenty of good stuff.

Word: Pumpernickel

 

pumpernickel

[ puhm-per-nik-uhl ]

noun

1. a coarse, dark, slightly sour bread made of unbolted rye.

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               The light of the teleport spell faded, leaving two figures in the otherwise empty field. One of them, a young man wearing an odd ensemble of leather and cloth, collapsed into the plant life He disappearing from view in the stalks that were nearly as high as his head.

               “That is not easy.” He said, each word interrupted by a deep gulp of air.

               “The fact that you can cast a teleportation spell at all is an impressive feat.” Said the other person, a young woman wearing a dress made of several different layers of cloth. “That you can bring another person as well is nothing short of a miracle. No wonder everyone wants otherworlders to fight their battles.”

               “Yeah, right. Don’t remind me. So, where are we?”

               “I don’t know every inch of the world, Adam.”

               “Well, do you know this one?”

               The woman looked around, poking her head over the top of the plants. “No idea. Perhaps some farm somewhere. I think this is all wheat.” She ran a hand along the top of the plant. “Oh, nevermind. Not a farm.”

               Adam stood and looked at the plants. “Why do you say that? This looks like good wheat to me.”

               “It’s useless. It’s too coarse and doesn’t taste good.”

               Adam looked at his companion curiously. “Doesn’t taste good? This is rye, isn’t it?”

               “I don’t know. That’s not what we call it. I could be the same thing, I suppose. Why?”

               “Because rye is great stuff. If there’s no famrer around, do you think anyone would mind if I take some?”

               “Of course not. Why would you want any? Like I said, it’s useless.”

               “Useless? Not on your life. Elna, my friend, I’m about to open your eyes to the possibilities. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried my grandma’s recipe for pumpernickel.” Adam said, already gathering up the grains. As he did, they vanished into his magical storage.

               “Pumpernickle? Is that a food or a metal?”

               “It’s bread. A damn fine one. Once I get this stuff ground into flour, I’ll make a starter and then I can work some real culinary magic. Oh, in the meantime, I can make a good hearty marble rye!”

               Elna watched him go, moving with a fervor rarely seen in the odd man. “I swear you otherworlders have the strangest tastes, especially with food. I’ve heard of one building a room especially for meat that he just leaves there. I mean, really, it’s nonsense.”

               “Wait, you mean there’s a guy out there who knows how to dry age meat?” Adam asked. Now he was getting really excited. “Oh man, put some of the on the pumpernickel I’m going to make and I promise you’ll never have a sandwich that good again.”

               “What’s a sandwich?” Elna asked.

               Adam deflated. In a world with literal magic, it was hard to believe how bland the food was. “Seriously, you people have no imagination when it comes to food. Sometimes I’m amazed you know what salt is. Anyway, I was serious about wanting to know where the dry age guy is. Do you know?”

               “Somewhere in Valtenia, last I heard. I don’t know if he’s still alive though.”

               “Great! Then that’s where we’re headed to next. Just let me gather some more rye and we’re golden.”

               Elna sighed. “I swear, I’ll never understand you. You have vast magical powers, and were summoned to fight a great battle against the forces of darkness. And yet, all you want to do is make bread.”

               “Bread is love. Bread is life. Anyone can stab something with a long stick. But baking? That’s something that can change the world.”

              ************************

Money? Power? No. Food is what really makes the world go round. All civilization started because of food.