Word: Skulduggery

skulduggery

or skullduggery, sculduggery, scullduggery

[skuhl-duhg-uh-ree]

noun, plural skulduggeries.

1. dishonorable proceedings; mean dishonesty or trickery:

bribery, graft, and other such skulduggery.

2. an instance of dishonest or deceitful behavior; trick.

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                “Hold on there, young man, would you like to play a game with me?”  The old man asked.

                Todd stopped and looked at the elderly man.  He was a small, wrinkly thing sitting behind a table with a large pile of playing cards in front of him.  Todd wasn’t in a hurry to get anywhere, and there couldn’t be any harm in humoring a senior citizen. 

                “What kind of game?”  Todd asked.

                “Oh just a little card game I made up a few years ago.  I’m sure it’s nothing a fine, intelligent fellow like yourself can’t handle.”

                “Okay, sure.  Why not.”

                Todd sat down across from the man and waited for the game to be explained.  Instead of telling him about the game though, the old man shuffled around and dug a heavily folded piece of paper out of his pocket.

                “Before we begin, why don’t we, oh what’s the term you young people use?  Ah yes, why don’t we make it interesting?”

                “What, you want place a bet old timer?”

                “Yes, exactly.”

                “Okay, sure.  I’m good for a few bucks.”

                “I’m not talking about money.  When you get to be my age, you either have too much to use or you no longer really care about how little you have.  So no, I don’t want money.  How about this:  the winner gets to take something from the loser.”

                “So, what, if I win I get something of yours?  Like, anything I want?”

                “That’s it.  Of course the same applies if I win.”

                “Gutsy old guy, aren’t you?  Alright, I’m in.”

                “Very good.  Now, I hate to be paranoid, but you can never be too careful these days.  Why not get everything spelled out in writing?”  The man’s wrinkled, thin finger pointed at the paper.

                “A contract?  Really?  Never heard of a contract being used for a little thing like this.”

                “Yes, well, it’s an old habit I have.  Used to be a lawyer, you know.  Contracts are everything in that business no matter how small the business might be.”

                “Okay, whatever.  Let’s do this.” 

                Todd didn’t even bother looking at the words scrawled on the paper.  He simply signed his name on a blank line at the bottom and waited for the man to explain the rules.

                It was a simple game, and one that probably would never become wide spread, no matter how hard the man tried.  It simply involved each player choosing a suit and trying to line up a full sequence of the suit before the other player did.  There were rules about the opponent being able to use a card to block a card, and how to get rid of unwanted cards and draw new ones and such, but none of it was very complicated or difficult to understand.  Todd wasn’t even sure it would be very fun once he heard how it was played, but he figured the least he could do was give it a chance. 

                Once the game started, Todd got off to an immediate advantage.  Since he could move much better than his older opponent, he felt like he would have an easy time beating the man.  Suddenly though, things started going wrong.

                When Todd got around half the needed cards, the old man seemed to get quite a few cards needed to keep Todd from winning, while Todd got many fewer cards he needed.  Likewise, no matter how hard Todd tried, he simply couldn’t block the old man’s progress fast enough.  Todd was at a loss for the sudden downturn until one thought entered his mind.  Somehow, the old man was cheating.

                He started observing the old man more closely, but couldn’t see how the cheat was happening.  There were no cards up his sleeves, no hidden devices, no nothing.  As the old man placed the winning card down on the table, Todd looked again at the pile of cards and remembered that the hadn’t actually been shuffled before the game started.  Todd kicked himself mentally for falling for the trick.

                “It looks like I’ve won, doesn’t it?”  The old man said.

                “You cheated.”  Todd said bitterly.

                “Oh?”

                “Yeah, you cheated.  I can tell.”

                “What cruel words you have, there young man.  They wound me, you know.”

                “Shut it you old fart, I know you cheated.”

                “Can you prove it?”  The old man said with a sly grin.

                “No.”  Todd admitted. 

                “Well then I didn’t cheat.  If it can’t be proven, it didn’t happen.”

                Todd wanted to argue, he really did.  But the old man was right.  There was no way he could prove that the old man had stacked the deck in his favor.  It was essentially foolproof. 

                “Now then, let’s see…what do I want from you?”  The old man asked, looking at Todd intently.  “Ah, yes, I think I know.”

                The old man’s hand extended and touched Todd’s head.  His eyes filled with a blinding white light.  When it faded, he was looking up at himself.  His eyes opened wide, and he quickly noticed that his vision was slightly burly and dull.  He raised his hands to his eyes.  The hands were not his own.  They were those of the old man.

                “Wh-what did you…”  He started to ask, but stopped when the voice he heard was that of the elder.

                “It’ simple, really.”  Said his body.  “The thing I wanted was your body, so I took it.  Quite, nice, really.  I can tell you really took care of it.  Don’t worry, I’ll continue taking care of it.  There wouldn’t be much point if I didn’t.  Well, maybe a few instances of laxity in that regard.  What’s the point of being young if you don’t enjoy it, right?”

                “You…how did you?”

                “Oh, just a little something I can do.  It was the contract, you know.  It was all written there.  I take whatever I want from you, without limits.  And, for the purposes here, the body is a thing.”

                “You…you tricked me?”

                “Oh, tricked is such a strong word.  I simply told you the truth and you made assumptions that’s all.  Enjoy my body, by the way.  Oh, don’t worry, I’ve saved up quite a bit of money and have a nice place for you to enjoy.  It’s all written down in my, or rather your, wallet.”

                “You won’t get away with this.”  Todd said, trying to sound intimidating.  It didn’t quite work out as well as he had hoped.

                “I’m sure you think that, and I wish you all the luck in the world.  But I very much doubt you’ll find out how to switch us back.”  The man turned to walk away, but stopped.  “Oh, one bit of advice for you, old man.”  He said, emphasizing the last two words, “When you sign a contract, make sure you read it.  And pay special attention to the fine print.”

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That last line reminds of of a song about getting screwed over.  I'm just glad being forcibly switched with another person isn't actually a thing.  That would suck.