Word: Keysmash

keysmash

[kee-smash]

noun

1. a random string of letters and symbols typed out on a keyboard or touchscreen, used to signal intense emotion in written communication:

The photo of the actor was accompanied by a heartfelt keysmash.

2. the action of typing out such a random string of letters or symbols:

Keysmash was the only appropriate response.

verb (used without object)

3. to use keysmashes to signal intense emotion in written communication:

I was so excited I couldn’t stop keysmashing.

***************************

jsiodskjvnfdo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What was that?

that was me being angry, damn it

?
some little ghsdpofhgj cut us off!  nearly killed us

Uh, Jim, are you driving?

no of course not.

Bobby is.

Who’s Bobby?

come on, you know bobby

he’s my brother

…

Since when do you have a brother?

uh since always

duh

Why am I just hearing you have a brother now?

i didnt tell you?

You failed to mention it.

toipasjf….

 Another driver, or your stupidity?

both.

the little djfkh that cut us off is going like 40 on the highway

and yeah sorry i didnt tell you about bobby

i was gonna honest

Uh huh.  Sure you were.

what? i was

babe?

come on me forgetting my brother isnt that bad

you arent cutting me off for that are you

No, of course not.  I was getting a drink.

Don’t be so impatient.  Not everyone can reply as fast as you.

so not mad?

More like annoyed.

I mean, having siblings is kind of a big deal.  We’ve been dating for long enough that I should know your basic family structure by now.

oh ldskfhj

Dare I ask?

A cop

A kldjf cop pulled US over for going 30 on the highway when it was the klfdfrgjhgvbjaieuhf in front of us

Why didn’t Bobby just pass him?

couldnt

there was a line of other cars passing us first

we couldnt get in the passing lane

Damn.  That sucks.  Like, a lot.

yeah

s’ok though

bobbys a cop too so he knows how to talk to them

hell be able to tell the guy what happened and itll be fine

Wait, he’s a cop?

yup

has been for like three years now

Huh.  Never would’ve thought someone related to you could be with the law.

whats that mean

im no criminal

bobbyd bust me if I was

he doesnt hold back

I’m not saying you are.  It’s just…well…

well?

You’re not exactly cut from the most physical cloth.

hey!

Oh you know it’s true.  You haven’t run more than a half a mile since high school.

And from what you told me about your parents, they’re the same.

Oh you know it’s true.  You haven’t run more than a half a mile since high school.

And from what you told me about your parents, they’re the same.

okay yeah, but bobby did pretty well

he does that exercise stuff a lot

okay

he got rid of the cop

Good.  I hate getting tickets because of other people.

you never get tickets

That you know of.

…have you ever gotten a ticket?

babe?

have you?

I have my ways of avoiding them. 

Ways that men cannot use.

what like crying or something

That and the magic of low cut shirts.

i can see that

definitely works on me

;)

oh dkljfsalkd

caught up to the slow lkdsfhg again

Can you go around him?

not for awhile

i might not be home for awhile

little dklfgddfsk

Okay.  I’ll see you when you get back.  I look forward to meeting Bobby.

uh huh

see you later babe <3 i="">

*******************

Everyone knows THAT driver.  Everyone hates THAT driver.  Don't be THAT driver.   

Word: Cantankerous

cantankerous

[kan-tang-ker-uh s]

adjective

1. disagreeable to deal with; contentious; peevish:

a cantankerous, argumentative man.

*******************************

Phil sat deep in his chair and grumbled at the TV.  Janet heard the sound and sighed.

“What is it now?” She asked heavily.

“Everything, that’s what.  The world’s going to hell, and these people are cashing in on it.”

“Oh for…you sound like an old man, you know that?”

“What’s wrong with that?  I am an old man.”

Janet looked at him and blinked before saying anything.  “Phil, you’re 31.  You’re not old, and the only people who think you are still have their baby teeth.”

“You can say that.  You’re still in your twenties.”

“I’m 29.  Not exactly a big age difference there.”

“Still counts.”

Janet rolled her eyes and ended the conversation.  She liked the guy well enough, but it was impossible to have a reasonable conversation when he got in such a mood.  She would try again when he was feeling more cheerful.  Whenever that would be.

“Hey, what should we do for dinner?” She asked after a few minutes.  Like all men, there were some subjects that were guaranteed to bring on a good mood, and food was one of them.

“Whatever.” He grumbled.

That was a surprise.  He usually had some opinion on the subject of meals.  There was always something he wanted to eat.  That was fine by her, since Janet liked all the same foods as he did, so there was rarely any conflict.  But he always had some opinion. 

“Seriously?  Nothing?  No ideas, nothing you want today?” She tried again.  He just shrugged his shoulders.  “Wow.  What’s gotten into you?”

“Maybe I just don’t care today.  Maybe I don’t always have to think of stuff.”  He said.  His tone matched his earlier grumbles and mutterings.

She was starting to get the picture. He was being difficult just to be difficult.  He got like that sometimes, but only when he was in a particularly bad mood.  Something had happened.  Something big.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Janet asked through a light sigh.

“Nothing.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on, tell me.”

Phil huffed, crossed his arms, scowled, and did his best to sink deeper into the chair.

“Oh, don’t be like that, you big baby.  I know there’s something wrong, so spill it.”

“Well, right now my girlfriend is bothering me while I’m trying to watch TV.  Does that count?”

“No.  Now talk, or I’ll hide the remote.”

“You mean the one in my hand right now?” Phil held up the item in question.

“Okay, fine.  If you want to act like a child, I’ll treat you like one.  Tell me what’s wrong, or you won’t get dinner.”

Phil huffed and tried to put an indifferent face on.  Janet was not fooled.  The threat of not eating got under his skin.  He would talk; it was only a matter of time.

“Now, where should I eat?  Maybe I’ll go to Joey’s?  Nah, I’m not up for that.  Oh, I know, Trendies!  I have a gift card anyway.  Yeah, I think that’ll do.  Oh, but you’ll be staying here.”  Janet could see Phil’s Adam’s apple twitch.  He was breaking.  “It’ll only take a few minutes to get ready, and then you can sit here and sulk in peace.”

Janet went to grab a light jacket.  She put the garment on and headed towards the door.

“Wait.” Phil called.  Just like she knew he would.  “Fine.  You want to know what’s wrong?  It’s like this…”

*******************************

And that, as they say, is a story for another day.  Muahaha and all that evil laughter stuff. 

Word: Forgettery

forgettery

[fer-get-uh-ree]

noun

1. a faculty or facility for forgetting; faulty memory: a witness with a very convenient forgettery
*********************************

                Charlie yawned one last time while he poured milk into a bowl filled with weirdly yellow flakes and placed a spoon into the mix.  He brought it to the table and dug in.  The food was nearly tasteless, but he had been assured it was good for him.  If it was not for that, he would much rather have been eating cereal with actual flavor in it.  He mused over the merits of adding some kind of berry to the flavorless variety, but that meant he would need to buy the fruit.  He would have just added a spoonful or two of sugar, but that would be counter-productive, considering the reasons for eating the bland breakfast in the first place.

                “Good morning.” Said a far too chipper voice behind him. 

                Charlie glanced over his shoulder at his girlfriend, Nichole.  He marveled at her ability to wake up and not be a zombie.  He had only managed to put cereal to bowl after downing a large cup of coffee, the evidence of which lay in the kitchen sink.  The only reason he did not require two was because the type of coffee he drank he enough caffeine in each cup to wake an elephant.

                Nichole went to fix her own breakfast, sans resurrection strength coffee.  Charlie watched her begin her morning routine and sighed.     

                “Morning.” He replied.  “Hey, babe, are you maybe forgetting something?”

                She paused, cereal box poised over bowl.  She considered his words.  She looked at him with a worried expression.

                “I…I don’t know.  Am I?”

                Charlie pointed.  Nichole followed his finger and her eyes opened wide.  She made a mad dash to the bedroom to put on her pants.  She came out a few minutes later fully dressed and beat red.

                “Thanks.” She said.

                “No problem.  Of course, I personally don’t mind the view, but pants are generally a good idea for everyday life.”

                “Don’t make fun.  You know I can’t help forgetting things.” She said through adorably pouted lips.

                “I know, and I’m sorry.  You know I mean it in the best way possible.”

                Nichole muttered a half hearted acknowledgement of his words and sat at the table.  She looked in front of her seat at the distinct lack of breakfast.  She turned her gaze to Charlie, who pointed at the still waiting bowl on the counter.  She got up and started preparing her breakfast.

                “Hey, you’re getting better.” Charlie said.  “Yesterday you forgot what cereal was.”

                “Don’t make fun of me.” Nichole said bitterly.  “It doesn’t block all my memories you know.  I can remember some things.”

                Charlie was not sure if he should mention that he was being serious.  He opted against it.  As it was, the small piece of something that had embedded itself in Nichole’s brain did seem to be having a reduced effect on her memory.  He just hoped she might one day have her old memory back.  He dreaded a repeat of the three days when she had forgotten who he was.  Now it seemed she only forgot small, day-to-day things, instead of the big stuff she used to forget.  Just the fact that he could hold a conversation of reasonable length with her now was reassuring.

                “My bad.” He said.

                “That’s right, you are.” She said proudly as she returned to the table, completed bowl of cereal in hand.  “Am I really getting better though?  Be honest.” She asked a few seconds later.

                “Yeah, you are.  A little bit every day.”

  ************************
You know, everyone thinks that a perfect memory would be great, but it's probably not all it's cracked up to be.  Think about it.  You wouldn't just remember all the good stuff, you'd remember all the bad stuff too.  Every time you trip and fall, every time you screw something up.  Everything.  Yeah, it's probably a good thing we all forget stuff.

Word: Holus-bolus

holus-bolus

[hoh-luh s-boh-luh s]

adverb

1. all at once; altogether.

***********************************

“So, what do we do now?” Sarah asked.

“Um…run?” Henry replied.

The other four members of the group found that agreeable.  Together, the party turned and ran in the opposite direction.  Unfortunately, the monster chose to follow them.  Fortunately, the monster also had some of the qualities it had before.  That is to say, it was slow.  Even Evan, the slowest member of the group, was able to keep out of claw’s reach of the thing.  After far too long, the monster fell out of eyesight.

The group kept running for as long as they could.  The only reason they stopped was because they reached a cliff.  Three members of the group collapsed while attempting to catch their breath.  The other two sat just as readily.

“So, uh, anyone know what happened?” Carl asked once he could breath correctly.

None of them did.  One moment they were all having a fine time swinging foam swords and throwing NERF balls at a guy dressed as a monster, and the next they were swinging real swords at a real monster. 

“Okay, let’s think about this.” Sarah said.  She went over the details that all of them already knew.  “So, we all got the real versions of what we had before, right?”  All but Evan were able to confirm that.  “And that monster looks a lot like the guy’s costume.” More confirmations.  “So, whoever it was in the costume probably got turned into the monster.”

                That met with a much less enthusiastic response.  Unless the monster started talking to them, there was no way to tell.

                “So, what, you think we can reason with it?” Jack asked.  He fiddled with a quiver full of arrows that used to be made of thin plastic pipes and a Styrofoam balls.  “Seems more like it wanted to rip our guts out than have a nice chat.”

                “Well, the guy was trying to fake kill us before.” Evan said.  “So, it stands to reason that it wants to real kill us now, since everything’s real here.”

                “Great.” Henry said.  He held his now armored hand to his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose.  It was a lot easier when his “armor” was made out of tinfoil covered cloth.

                “Hey, wait a sec…” Mark said.  “Everything we had is real now, right?  So, does that mean you two can use real magic now?” He pointed at Sarah and Evan as he asked the question.

                The two looked at each other.  Evan’s eyes lit up with the sudden realization.  Sarah slumped her shoulders.

                “Damn it, I should’ve went mage.  Healing magic’s lame.”

                “But necessary.  Especially here.” Henry said.  “And most especially for me.”

                “Why just you?” Mark asked.  “We both have swords.  We’re both the warriors.”

                “Yeah, but I have a shield, and you don’t.”  He held up the slab of colorful metal that once had been a slab of equally colorful plywood and PVC pipes. “That makes me the tank by default.  And yes, now that it’s real, that kind of sucks for me.  So yeah, Sarah, you know the drill.  Tank first, then everyone else.”

                “No, it’s healer, then tank, then everyone else.”  Sarah corrected.  “If I die before you do, you’re just as screwed as the other way around.  Besides, if we’re going by what we had before, I’ve got a rez spell I can cast twice before I need to recharge.  I can’t cast it if I’m dead.”

                “Fair point.”  Henry replied.  All of them nodded their agreement.  They all played online video games.  They all knew the rules of party play, and they all knew it was the best way to survive. 

                “Um, quick question.” Jack said.  “Do either of you know how to actually cast a spell?”

                The thought was interrupted by the untimely arrival of the monster.  At that point, no amount of video game knowledge or planning was useful.  Everyone panicked, screamed and scattered.  They no longer had much option for retreat because of the cliff, and running perpendicular to it did not appeal to them, since it would inevitably put them in the same situation as they were.  Besides, with the group scattered, there was little chance for them to all run in the same direction.

                Henry was the first to take an action that was actually productive.  “Ah screw it.” He said and launched himself shield first at the monster.

                The shied was blessedly as effective as it had been as a LARP tool, and managed to keep the monster’s claws away from anything squishy.  He lashed out with his one-handed sword, raking it across the monster’s hide.  It was not very effective.

                “A little help here?” He screamed.

                Seeing what was going on, Jack was the next to take action.  His bow was a lot harder to draw now that it was wood instead of foam and pipe, but the arrow was easier to deal with, so it balanced out nicely.  His aim was not so great though, and his arrow missed by a wide margin. 

                Mark was the next to step in.  His two-handed sword did much more than Henry’s.  It still did not hit anything important though.

                “Some magic would be nice!” He said as he swung his blade.

                “Working on it.” Evan said. 

In the game, he just threw a foam ball and shouted his spell.  And he kept the balls on a pouch clipped to his belt.  The pouch was still there, but not it was filled with a fine powder.  He grabbed some, took a deep breath, and called out the desired spell.  It worked.  The powder glowed and turned into a fireball.  The fire to monster collision was much more explosive than sword to monster impacts.  It still did little to slow the monster down.

Sarah had a much harder time.  She tried to simply yell her spell as she had in the game.  The strength buff she tried to cast had no apparent effect.  She thought back to every instance of magic she had ever seen.  It was all about thought.  She tried thinking that her friends were getting stronger.  The two warriors glowed briefly, and their swords became much more effective. 

“Okay, that’s better!” Henry yelled.  He pushed at the monster with his shield.  It skidded back along the ground.  Even with the buff though, he was unable to move it much.  “Everyone at once!  Hit it all together!”

It took a few tried to get coordinated, but eventually they got it right.  With arrows now hitting their mark, fireballs blasting it back, and two swords biting it, all while being enhanced by white magic, the monster continuously fell back.  It fell back so much, that its feet left the ground in favor of the open air bordering the cliff.  And then it met whatever was at the bottom of the cliff at a very high rate of speed.

The group of five once again collapsed in an attempt to catch their breath.  Then they all let out a half-hearted cheer for their first victory.  They stopped once they had expelled all the remaining air from their lungs.  The silence was broken by the heavy gasps and pants, and then by a question:

“So, now what?”

*****************************

Sorry if there's too many characters to be easy to follow.  'Tis the nature of the beast when it comes to such short stories.  Maybe some day I'll be able to expand it and give these people the attention the need.  Maybe.  Someday.  We'll see.