pulchritudinous
physically beautiful; comely.
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Oh god, what am I doing here? What did I do to deserve this? Hell, what did she do to deserve this? No! Don’t think like that! That’s the way of failure. Provided I haven’t already failed just by being here. That can’t be the case, right? Just because she’s the single most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen doesn’t mean anything.
Oh man, what do I say? Should I say anything? I probably should say something funny. Oh wait, I’m terrible at comedy. Curse my lack of humor! Any attempt at a joke will backfire horribly, I can already tell. Oh, a question. I can answer that, since it’s so simple. Just a question about what I do.
Okay, good. I didn’t bite my own tongue. Yet. It’s still early. No! Bad brain! No self-sabotage. This is going to go well and we’re both going to have a great time. Yes. Yes, that is what will happen. She definitely won’t realize she can do a lot better than me and walk out. Definitely not.
Huh? Did she just ask a follow up question? She did. Why would she do that? It’s not like my job is too interesting. She’s probably just being polite. I guess I should do the same and ask about hers. With her looks, she’s probably a model or something. She’s not? A doctor? Of course she is. Why wouldn’t she be smarter than me? I mean, I already knew she was way out of my league, but this is crazy. I mean, I know I’m not that smart, but still.
Hobbies? Oh man, what if she thinks I’m a huge nerd when she finds out? She’ll get bored and tune out and the date will die then and there. I guess I should answer though. No point in awkward silences making things worse. Wait, what did she just say? Did…does she…no, way. There’s no way someone like her can like that stuff. Is there?
Let’s confirm. A more obscure questions, but not too obscure. Gotta test the waters, right? Oh my god, she does! We actually share a hobby. How in the world did that happen? There’s no way this is possible. It’s gotta be a trick, right? She’s probably being paid to be here, or she lost a bet, or this is a prank. Something! I mean, there’s no way she can be that perfect.
Okay, okay. Meal’s over and she hasn’t left in disgust yet. That’s good. Maybe she’s even having a good time! I mean, I know I’m terrible at reading people, but she looks like she’s enjoying herself. That’s something. Unless she’s just really good at hiding how she really feels and will be leaving as soon as she can.
Huh? Why does she want my phone? What’s she doing? Is that…is that her number? Her phone number? Did she really just give me her contacts? I…I don’t…what? How? Why? I…did I just…have a successful date? With a woman that amazing? How? How did I do that? Why is she settling for me? She could be dating movie stars or something. But she’s willing to go out with me?
Will wonders never cease?
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Wonders, indeed.
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