Friday, September 8, 2023

Word: Sartorial

 

sartorial

[ sahr-tawr-ee-uhl, -tohr- ]
adjective
  1. of or relating to tailors or their trade: sartorial workmanship.

  2. of or relating to clothing or style or manner of dress: sartorial splendor.

  1. Anatomy. pertaining to the sartorius.

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               “I don’t know about this place. It doesn’t look very reputable.” Mike said. His eyes darted around the small shop, taking everything in.

               It was dimly lit, there was a fine layer of dust on the windows, and the spiders had made themselves quite at home on the ceiling. And there was no hint of cloth anywhere. In fact, the place was barren of any merchandise at all.

               “Hey, I know it isn’t much to look at,” Ted said. “but this place is legit. Best tailor I’ve ever seen. The things this guy can do with cloth? It’s practically magic.”

               “Are you sure this is even a store? I mean, there isn’t anything to buy.”

               A well-hidden door in the back of the area opened and an old man hobbled out. He was painfully thin, hunched over and had glasses that were thicker than the windows. But he was immaculately dressed in a perfectly tailored suit that somehow made him seem less bony than he actually was.

               “What’s this? Customers?” The old man said upon seeing the two men. “Excellent. Who needs what and why?”

               Mike wanted to ask many questions of the old man, but Ted beat him to it. He clapped Mike on the shoulder and said spoke with a huge grin on his face. “My buddy here is getting married. He needs something for the big day.”

               “Ah, how wonderful.” The old man said. “It’s been far too long since my own wedding, but I remember it fondly. Truly a magical moment. Don’t worry, young man, I’ll have you looking better than you ever have before. Come, come, let me see what we’re dealing with.”

               The old man hobbled over to Mike, who now felt like the moment for questioning had passed before he ever got to ask anything. The old tailor pulled out a worn tape measure and went to work. He had Ted hit all the standard tailoring poses with his arms and legs. The old man muttered a few things to himself as he did. Mike wondered why he was not even taking notes, or using pins or anything. But he did feel…something.

               It was faint. So faint that he wondered if it was his mind playing tricks on him. It was a weight, a pressure that fell on him like a second set of clothing. The feeling persisted as the tailor continued to take his measurements. Mike looked quizzically at the old man, and he thought he saw a glint or a glow in the elder’s eyes. Again, it was so faint that it could easily be a trick of the light, but he swore it was there.

               “Okay, I’ve gotten what I need.” The old tailor said. “It will be a day or so before I’m done, so you can come back then.”

               “Wait, shouldn’t we at least talk about color or cloth or something?” Mike asked.

               “Oh no need for that. I’ve got it all worked out.” The old man said with a small grin. “I assure you, you won’t be disappointed. I’d say you’d be beating the ladies off with a stick in the suit I’ll be making, but I imagine that won’t be a problem soon enough.”

               “But…”

               “Come on, man,” Ted said. “Let the man work. If he says he’ll take care of it, then he’ll take care of it.”

               “Indeed I will. Now off with you. I’ve got lots of work to do to make everything perfect, and I’m not as young as I used to be. Just come back in two days and I’ll have the best suit you’ve ever worn all ready for you.”

               Ted placed his arm around Mike’s shoulder and guided him out the worn wooden door. Mike glanced behind him at the shop. It did not seem quite real. Whatever had just happened left him with a lot of questions, none of which were likely to be answered. He would make sure to visit other suit stores though, just in case.

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 Yeah, this is totally a magical tailoring shop. I mean, what else could it be?

Friday, September 1, 2023

Word: Egregious

 

egregious

[ ih-gree-juhs, -jee-uhs ]
adjective
  1. extraordinary in some bad way; glaring; flagrant: an egregious mistake; an egregious liar.

  2. Archaic. distinguished or eminent.

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               It was almost time. The first test flight of the new spaceship prototype was about to begin. The engineering team watched with bated breath as the unmanned vessel prepared to launch. The countdown began. The seconds ticked by. The activation sequence was given. The engineers held their breath as the engines started to activate.

               And nothing happened. The engines started, but stopped almost immediately. The engineers scrambled to find out what was wrong. Had the deactivation command been given? No, nobody in the room would do that. Maybe one of the people at the launch site had noticed something wrong? The call was sent out, and the answer came back that everything should have gone well on their end.

               The engineers scrambled to find out why the ship had simply failed to activate. After a few minutes of searching, a cry came that silenced all other discussion.

               “What the hell?”

               Everyone turned to look at the one who made the declaration. It was one of the junior engineers, just out of grad school. The head of the operation came over to check what the young man had seen. The older man looked over the younger’s shoulder and his face turned red. He straightened and spoke in a voice just shy of a shout.

               “Who was in charge of fuel ratio calculations?”

               Silence filled the room. Nobody wanted to take the blame for whatever was about to happen. But, soon one did. A shaky hand rose into the air, and the person who it belonged to pulled their neck as deep into his shoulders as possible. The head engineer stormed over to the nervous man, pushed him out of the way and furiously typed at the nearby computer.

               “Was it you who made these calculations?” The head asked. The other man glanced over the screen and nodded. “What the hell were you thinking? How could you get everything so wrong?”

               “W-wrong? I, I thought everything was fine.”

               “Fine? You call these numbers fine?”

The head engineer once more hit a few keys on the keyboard. The main screen of the engineering room was filled with several pages of numbers and letters. The other engineers read over the work that had been done. Some scoffed. Others muttered angrily. Most could see the faulty math hidden in what was otherwise sound work.

“Let me guess, you gave it a once over and called it good, huh?” The head engineer asked.

“Uh, well, yeah? I mean, fuel calculations haven’t really changed in years, right?”

               “Is that what you think? That this, our newest engineering marvel, a ship designed to reach the entirety of the solar system would use the same fuel ratios as something that barely reached the moon?”

               The offending engineer shrunk into his seat. The man’s face was turning red, and it looked like he very much wished to become invisible.

               “Do you have any idea what your little assumption cost us? Do you have any idea how far you’ve set us back, all because you didn’t get someone smarter to check your work? Hell, you could’ve just ran them through the damn sim programs and found out how wrong you were. But no, you thought you knew better.”

               “Well, I, I…”

               “Get out of my sight! You don’t work here anymore!” The head engineer roared.

               The former engineer’s eyes widened and he let out a string of incoherent sounds before he rushed out of the room. The head engineer flopped into the now vacant seat and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

               “Find out if anyone else made the same assumptions that idiot did.” He said after a moment. “In fact, check every single damn number we used to make that ship. I want to make sure the next test actually works.”

               The room became a buzz of activity as the other engineers rushed to check everything. The head simply did his best to calm down. This would work. The next prototype test would function, even if he had to go through every document and file himself. 

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I imagine issues like this would be found out long before a working prototype was built, but what do I know? I'm not an engineer, rocket or otherwise.  But that's not as entertaining, so you get this.

Monday, August 21, 2023

Word: Pulchritudinous

 

pulchritudinous

[ puhl-kri-tood-n-uhs, -tyood- ]
adjective
  1. physically beautiful; comely.

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               Oh god, what am I doing here? What did I do to deserve this? Hell, what did she do to deserve this? No! Don’t think like that! That’s the way of failure. Provided I haven’t already failed just by being here. That can’t be the case, right? Just because she’s the single most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen doesn’t mean anything.

               Oh man, what do I say? Should I say anything? I probably should say something funny. Oh wait, I’m terrible at comedy. Curse my lack of humor! Any attempt at a joke will backfire horribly, I can already tell. Oh, a question. I can answer that, since it’s so simple. Just a question about what I do.

               Okay, good. I didn’t bite my own tongue. Yet. It’s still early. No! Bad brain! No self-sabotage. This is going to go well and we’re both going to have a great time. Yes. Yes, that is what will happen. She definitely won’t realize she can do a lot better than me and walk out. Definitely not.

                 Huh? Did she just ask a follow up question? She did. Why would she do that? It’s not like my job is too interesting. She’s probably just being polite. I guess I should do the same and ask about hers. With her looks, she’s probably a model or something. She’s not? A doctor? Of course she is. Why wouldn’t she be smarter than me? I mean, I already knew she was way out of my league, but this is crazy. I mean, I know I’m not that smart, but still.

               Hobbies? Oh man, what if she thinks I’m a huge nerd when she finds out? She’ll get bored and tune out and the date will die then and there. I guess I should answer though. No point in awkward silences making things worse. Wait, what did she just say? Did…does she…no, way. There’s no way someone like her can like that stuff. Is there?

               Let’s confirm. A more obscure questions, but not too obscure. Gotta test the waters, right? Oh my god, she does! We actually share a hobby. How in the world did that happen? There’s no way this is possible. It’s gotta be a trick, right? She’s probably being paid to be here, or she lost a bet, or this is a prank. Something! I mean, there’s no way she can be that perfect.

               Okay, okay. Meal’s over and she hasn’t left in disgust yet. That’s good. Maybe she’s even having a good time! I mean, I know I’m terrible at reading people, but she looks like she’s enjoying herself. That’s something. Unless she’s just really good at hiding how she really feels and will be leaving as soon as she can.

               Huh? Why does she want my phone? What’s she doing? Is that…is that her number? Her phone number? Did she really just give me her contacts? I…I don’t…what? How? Why? I…did I just…have a successful date? With a woman that amazing? How? How did I do that? Why is she settling for me? She could be dating movie stars or something. But she’s willing to go out with me?

               Will wonders never cease?  

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Wonders, indeed.