Word: Otiose

otiose

[oh-shee-ohs, oh-tee-]

adjective

1. being at leisure; idle; indolent.

2. ineffective or futile.

3. superfluous or useless.

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The sun was warm and the sky was perfectly clear.  The sound of the ocean waves could be heard clearly, even over the myriad voices coming from the people who occupied the beach.  Each person in the crowd was occupying their time doing something.  Some swam in the water.  Others built sand castles.  Still others played beach sports.  It was a place full of all kinds of activities.  Gary chose to occupy his time watching those people.  More specifically, one particular kind of person.

                “Man, you gotta love the beach.”  He said to his sunbathing companion, Roy.  “There’s just something about it, you know.”

                “Uh huh.”  Roy replied without a hint of his friend’s enthusiasm.  He just wanted to relax on the sand.

                “I mean, really, where else can you find scenery like this?”  Gary asked.  Roy rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses.  He didn’t need to ask what kind of “scenery” Gary was talking about.

                “Just as long as you’re only looking.”  He said.

                “What’s that mean?”

                “Just what it sounds like.  Most of the girls here are probably not here to get hit on, you know.”

                “That’s only because they don’t know I’m here.”  Gary said, puffing out his chest.  He meant it to look impressive, but his almost complete lack of muscle just made the pose look pathetic.  Roy did his best to keep himself from laughing. 

                “Yeah, yeah.  You’re a regular stud, you are.”

                “Damn straight.”

                “Listen, big guy, maybe you could turn your raw masculine aura down a bit.  Just for today, you know?  Maybe give the ladies some space to better appreciate everything that is you.”

                “Okay, see, I know you’re being sarcastic, but I choose to believe you actually mean all that.”  Gary said.

                “You do that.”

                “Maybe I will.”  Gary crossed his arms in front of him in mock defiance.  “Oh wait, if I do that, it’ll be harder to pick up a few of ‘em.”

                Roy was very grateful his glasses were dark enough to hide his eyes.  This was the second time they rolled, and he guessed it wouldn’t be the last.  The fact that Gary had said “a few” instead of “one” was both amusing and cringe worthy.

                “A few?”

                “Well, yeah.  I mean, I’m too much man for just one girl, right?  So I gotta get at least two.”

                “Okay, yeah, that’s where I draw the line.”  Roy sat up on his towel.  “Look, Gary, you really should keep to yourself here.  We’re here on vacation, and I’d rather spend my time relaxing.  I don’t want to deal with you hitting on a girl that happens to have a boyfriend that can bench twice his bodyweight.”  Gary stiffened when he heard that.

                “You, uh, you don’t think there’s any guys like that out here, do you?”

                “I wouldn’t discount to possibility.  There’s an outdoor gym thing like, ten minutes away from here.  I wouldn’t be surprised if a bunch of these girls are here for one of those guys.”

                “Ah, right.”  Gary had clearly not thought of that possibility.  He curled his lip in thought.  His train of thought was promptly derailed when a particularly buxom young lady walked into his line of sight.  “Still, it’d be a shame to deprive these sweet things of all that is me, right?  I just have to watch out for the ones who already have boyfriends, right?”

                “Yeah, sure.  You do that.  Just don’t come crying to me when it all gets screwed up.”

                Gary didn’t respond.  He was too busy chasing down the girl who had caught his attention.  Roy watched with morbid fascination as he did his best.  Roy could tell she was immediately not interested.  And whatever Gary was saying to her was completely useless in changing her mind.  He was probably lucky she just turned her nose up and walked away, instead of slapping him, then doing the exact same thing. 

                Gary’s shoulders slumped as he trudged back over to Roy.  He flopped down on the sand and hugged his knees to his chest.  Neither of them spoke for a moment.

                “So…” Roy began.

                “Don’t say it.”  Gary said.

                “Did you get her number?”

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I'm sure most of us know a guy like this.  You know, the one who thinks he's a real ladies man, but couldn't get a girl to save his life?  Yeah, him.  Don't worry, I'm not that guy.  In fact, I'm probably the exact opposite.  For me, it's more like I wouldn't know if a girl was hitting on me to save my life.  Yeah, I'm that one.